Oh bother: household pests eating at you house again?

Tired of dragging out the garden house to fend off all manner of pests inviting themselves to dine on your most cherished posessions, only to have them come back hungrier and angrier than before?  If you Creature-B-Gone, you could rid herself of sprites, nympfs, step-monsters and the occassional cyclops.  How does it work? Only Creature-B-Gone contains a special patented radioactive reducing element Leadium.  Leadium replels those unwanted guests!   And Creature-B-Gone leaves everything you own sunshine fresh and inedible for up to four months after you use it.   Keeps working even when you can't be home to catch the intruders yourself.  Creature -B-Gone comes in a handy garden hose attachment so you can sweep the whole property and stop Centuars, Radio Active Giant Ants and Japanese Monsters before they cross into your personal safty sphere.  Not always at home when you encounter creatures? Try Creature-B-Gone in a handy four-ounce purse size roll on - repels creatures for up to eight hours.  Remember that name: Creature-B-Gone!