Thursday, September 29, 2011

Guess who!

You guys know the drill - do you know who this is?

As with all of these, if you know who it is (Norma), let the others have a chance to guess.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Listen to the lady!

Happy Birthday to a real beauty

The picture above is of Brigette Bardot as she looks today.  Unlike other fading stars who are obessed with their own looks, Bardot took up the cause of animal rights.

Look carefully at Bardot's face and bask in her real beauty.  Not a botox injection, nor a facelift, or a cheeck implant spoils the view.  Her eyes are expressive and her lips are still the shape of lips.  She knows that she has no need to hide behind Sunglasses as Dyan Cannon does, lest the sun touch her face and cause it, and the chemicals used to remove the wrinkles, smooth the skin to melt from the heat.

Bardot's beauty is that she knows who she is and plays to her strengths instead of obsessing about her weaknesses. And her face is recognizable, expressive and more alive that Cannon's, Bruce Jenner's or Dolly Parton's.  (Parton's face is so botoxed that she no longer smiles, but grimmaces for the camera.)

So to Brigette, I say happy birthday, and thank you for showing us that a real face is beautiful, no matter the age.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Neighborhood gossip!

Reader, Cookie's neighborhood is buzzing - simply BUZZING about the big news: The Cruel Filipina Dominatrix is trying to sell her house!

We are all on the edge of our collective seats with all the hubbub and mid street chat sessions.

Tina, the Cruel Filipina Dominatrix, bought the home across the street from our next door neighbors about seven years ago.  It was a charming house that had been owned, loved and cared for by an OCD closeted gay boy so everything having to do with the property was pristine and immaculate.  So we were concerned when he put it up for sale saying that "I've done everything I can do."

When we saw who bought the house once it sold we were excited.  Racial diversity is one of our points of pride, so to speak.

When she moved in, we became confused, because in addition to herself, she also moved in a cute red headed young man and blond young lady.  We figured roommates. 

We were wrong.

We knew something was up when she shunned our invitations to neighborhood parties, back yard parties and just to converse about the weather. And we never heard a peep from her "roommates".  They just looked at us when we would say "Hi" and scurry into the house.

One night while out on the town, another neighbor saw "Tina" out on the town with the red headed young man in handcuffs and a dog collar and "Tina" holding the leash in one hand, and the blond girl in a dog collar and leash being held by the other hand. 

Then Della (the neighbor who constantly reminds everyone that she no longer has an anus by saying "You think you have problems? I don't have a sphincter!") tells us that she though she's say "Hello" to the red head young man on his way from his new Jaguar to the front door of his house.  "He acted liked like a 'scaret' child and no sooner than he started to say 'Hello,' that the Cruel Filipina Dominatrix pops here head out of the door and yells at him to get in the house then at me for talking to him."

And thus, Cruel Filipina Dominatrix, became the buzz of the neighborhood.  From that point, the house got shabby and then shabbier. The curtains were never open, the lawn got weedy and overgrown.

Then the blond girl moved out, in tears.  Here parents brought their truck and there were words in the street between them and Cruel Filipina Dominatrix.  The police showed up.

It wasn't long before Cruel Filipina Dominatrix began to "groom" her next female "sub" laughing with her, arm around her and then the sub starting showing up on Friday afternoons and leaving on Sunday evening.

City code enforcement shut down her home porn business, courtesy of Anarchist Drew, who was torqued off on how Cruel Filipina Dominatrix and her subs were bringing down the property values in the neighborhood because they wouldn't keep up their yard.  You know it's bad when the Anarchist in the neighborhood worries about property values.

Attorney Couple down the street from us had words because they could her whipping someone one summer's eve while on a stroll.  "Bill got this look on his face and I was like 'never in a million years'; but seriously, can't she do that in the basement?"

Pot Smoking Phil weighed in on her saying "She said I could find more happiness in submission to another than I could in smoking a joint, and I was like 'Dude!'"

Jamaican Betty went so far as to call Cruel Filipina Dominatrix malevolent enough that "I want to make a voodoo doll of her and drop it in hot fat."

And the Bob Wolf(e)s (a gay couple whose names are Bob Wolf and Bob Wolfe) are annoyed with the Cruel Filipina Dominatrix' cats which roam the neighborhood and crap in the flowers and spray urine on the bushes. "I just want to slap her," says Bob Wolf while his husband, Bob Wolfe adds in "But she would like it too much."

So when she put her house on the market, it surprised no one when Jamaican Betty proudly announced (in a low whisper) that she had snuck on to the the property and buried St. Joseph upside down to facilitate a fast sale on the house.

All this makes us wonder, are the slings included in the purchase price, like the drapes?  And what of the dog cage where the blond girl slept - and prompted the call to the police?

Once this plays out, we'll let you know.  And if there is an open house, I'll be sure to take pictures.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Stealing a trick from Norma Desmond

I figured that since Norma Desmond could post cute puppy pictures, so could I, except this isn't my dog and it isn't my picture, either.  So I have lured you under false pretenses.

Truth be told, I'm dealing with a lot of stuff:

1) I'm tired and I am cranky, partly because of the season change and mostly because I have Seasonal Affective Depression, as diagnosed by my doctor and my shrink.  This means I have to adjust my meds every fall, and that disrupts my sleep patterns, and this makes me tired and cranky.

2) I work a two week cycle in a job that isn't a career.  Two weeks each month I work early, and two weeks I work late and get home later than the husband.  I'm not complaining, but I'm also not satisfied.

3) My midlife crisis is entering into the "Acceptance" stage. Actually it's more resignation than acceptence, but I'm getting there.

4) The cataract in my left eye is beginning to get to the point where I am losing what is left of my depth perception.  I'm thinking that if I make it to November without surgery, I'll be doing well.

5) Did I mention that I want to be someplace other than work? Yeah, I don't want to be seated at my desk today. Do you?

Friday, September 23, 2011

50 years ago, it was the BIG reveal

I'm old enough to remember that when a company like GM, Ford, Chrysler or AMC rolled out the new model year cars, there was some excitment.  Now, when a new car comes out its more like "Meh..."

Anyway, I found this little gem with a collector who was cleaning out a life of posessions and they sent it to me while I was opining that it's really hard finding ANYTHING related to the 1962 Olds 88.  Imapla's, yes.  Catalina's and Bonneville's?  You betcha.   Starfire's and 98's yes siree, bub.  Then you start running into to issues with the Star Chief's, Super 88's , LeSabre and Electra 225.  Cadillac's, too, oddly.

Anyway, have a WONDERFUL weekend.

I'm doning kimono tomorrow as we're have over some friends for MahJong.


Surrey on down

Come on, sing-a-long

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Can you dig it?

Well, can you?

It's a happy, happy day for this soldier, and for us all.

As an American, and as a gay man, I cannot express how happy I am to see Don't Ask Don't Tell - a law that is based on ignorance, bias and discrimination - cease to exist.  But that happiness pales to the joy that I experienced at watching this service man be able to come out to his family, military and himself and find acceptance.

I have a bit more hope for our nation to today - I am seeing something that I never expected to see in my lifetime, and that is a breathtaking moment for anyone who has experienced such a point in time.

Kitten Star Wars

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Well this explains an awful lot

Hell's Bell's!  You mean this is the cure for the Republican Party?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Joana Lisa

And you'll never see it hanging in the Louvre because of their "no wire picture hangers, EVER!" policy.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Finally, the BGO

Here she be, in all her glory.  The mechanic, true to his word made her run beautifully.  Took her out on the freeway and the car did miss a beat - a great cruiser.

100% original, right down to the rubber floor mats.

The Husband even thinks it sweet.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Oldsmobile Update

Here's your update on the new toy...

1.  I finally found a factory publicity image of the car. 

2) And it came with honest to gosh GM scripted copy.

3) We opted to have some preventitive work done on the old girl.  She is with Mechanic Jeff having her Rochester 4bbl carburetor rebuilt - probably for the first time since it rolled down the production line. We're also having the fuel line replaced and the gas tank pulled and relined.  Mechanic Jeff found a lot of rust plugging up the works, so we're also going to have the gas tank pulled, clean and relined and cured.

4) Last night at the reunion I cornered Herb Graham who owns a body shop back home and Herb will get her either in 2012, or 2013 for a repaint.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Well, doesn't this suck?

So yesterday afternoon I'm eating some NECCO waffers when I bite down and I feel something go "crack".  And I mean I felt the cracking like it was part of me.

And I broke a fucking tooth!


I hate going to the dentist.

Instincts told me that it was bad and and that was confirmed when the tooth particals came out of my mouth.


So I called the dentist, and since he doesn't work on Friday, I have to go to an oral surgeon today and have the remenants of said tooth removed through an extraction. 


And this is a busy weekend.  I have a birthday party later tonight, I have my 30th High School Reunion on Saturday and picnics and the like.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Now I have to pay for an implant!  FUCK!!!!!

And I hate going to the dentist because the receptionist doesn't understand that I just don't have $3,000 dollars, or a credit card to put it on.  When I tell her I have been credit card free for five years she looks at me like all she can hear are crickets chirping. 

So, here I sit in waiting to get whats left of the tooth removed.

The good news is that I can afford this.  The bad news is parting with the cash.  BAH!

Hope your weekend goes better than my today!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Good news, and bad news: We have a winner!

Model wearing glasses designed as an homage to the fins on a 1959 Chevrolet Impala

The GOOD NEWS is we have a winner....DREWBE!  Drewbe successfully guessed that I bought myself an Oldsmobile.  Now for the bad news....

Because Drewbe cheated (his own words, not mine) we can't award him the cash prize of $50,000 that became available last night after the decision was handed down in the Case of the Wrong Twin Making the Winning Shot.  Shucks.  Learning life lessons is a bitch.  But better to learn it now among friends than to learn it in front of a TV camera crew, right?  America loves a winner, but it loves seeing disappointment and a healthy does of comeuppance in the face of a contestant even more.

As a consolation prize Drewbe wins a ride in the car the next time he comes to Columbus*.

In fact we didn't go out and fall in love with a Cutlass, or a Toronado, or even a convertible.  No, we fell in love with the forgotten Oldsmobile, a 1962 Super 88 Celebrity Sedan. That's right, the ultimate old lady car. I say forgotten because pictures of these babies are rarer than hens teeth.  When GM promoted these cars they used an artist sketch series instead of lushly photographed studio images.  I can't even find an image of the car on the GM web site.  But I also say forgotten because out of the 24,000 plus that were built, I doubt a thousand of these puppies are on the road.  Most were driven until they broke about. I don't even remember seeing a lot of these in the 1970s when they would have hit ten years old.

We couldn't even find a good graphic image of the Oldsmobile logo that debuted for the 1962 models and then retired at the end of the 1964 model year. How crazy is that?  So I had to create one just for the image on the web page. 

So pictures of her will be forthcoming once she is back and in a nice location, because we all want to feel pretty when we have our picture taken, right?

We got the car on Monday evening and drove her about. As I type this she is at my trusty mechanic having her carburetor rebuilt, a new fuel line and fuel filter installed and having the gas tank pulled and lined.  Hey, when you're fifty years old your can will have dropped and you're vacuum powers will be beginning to wane.  They don't call us old farts for a reason.

I can tell you that she is in original condition.  Her chrome is excellent.  No rot through on the body and her original two tone paint has a nice luster - but it's fifty years old.  The inside is a different story - a 99% out of 100% perfect.  If it were any more immaculate, it's name would be Mary and when the door opened up out would pop Jesus.  Needs a little cleaning.  But flawless.

And we have named her: BGO for Big Gay Olds in honor of Big Gay Al from Southpark.  Why?  Well she is almost 18 feet in length, she looks like a grandmother car AND she's SUPER (88) to see you!

Here's a teaser picture:

*All prizes subject to availability.  Winner will forfeit their prize in the event that said method of delivering the prize is sold, out of gas or just not around.  Winners must make their reservations at least a year in advance.  You must be this high to ride. No pimply people will be allowed in the vehicle.  Offer void in Canada or anyplace else that isn't the continental United States; come to think of it, this offer is void if you are outside the greater Central Ohio area.  The Grantor of the prize will decide what constitutes Central Ohio. If we meet you and decide that you in the car could hurt the cars feelings you are out of luck. Prize has a cash value of 1/100,000,000,000 of a cent.