Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Neighborhood gossip!

Reader, Cookie's neighborhood is buzzing - simply BUZZING about the big news: The Cruel Filipina Dominatrix is trying to sell her house!

We are all on the edge of our collective seats with all the hubbub and mid street chat sessions.

Tina, the Cruel Filipina Dominatrix, bought the home across the street from our next door neighbors about seven years ago.  It was a charming house that had been owned, loved and cared for by an OCD closeted gay boy so everything having to do with the property was pristine and immaculate.  So we were concerned when he put it up for sale saying that "I've done everything I can do."

When we saw who bought the house once it sold we were excited.  Racial diversity is one of our points of pride, so to speak.

When she moved in, we became confused, because in addition to herself, she also moved in a cute red headed young man and blond young lady.  We figured roommates. 

We were wrong.

We knew something was up when she shunned our invitations to neighborhood parties, back yard parties and just to converse about the weather. And we never heard a peep from her "roommates".  They just looked at us when we would say "Hi" and scurry into the house.

One night while out on the town, another neighbor saw "Tina" out on the town with the red headed young man in handcuffs and a dog collar and "Tina" holding the leash in one hand, and the blond girl in a dog collar and leash being held by the other hand. 

Then Della (the neighbor who constantly reminds everyone that she no longer has an anus by saying "You think you have problems? I don't have a sphincter!") tells us that she though she's say "Hello" to the red head young man on his way from his new Jaguar to the front door of his house.  "He acted liked like a 'scaret' child and no sooner than he started to say 'Hello,' that the Cruel Filipina Dominatrix pops here head out of the door and yells at him to get in the house then at me for talking to him."

And thus, Cruel Filipina Dominatrix, became the buzz of the neighborhood.  From that point, the house got shabby and then shabbier. The curtains were never open, the lawn got weedy and overgrown.

Then the blond girl moved out, in tears.  Here parents brought their truck and there were words in the street between them and Cruel Filipina Dominatrix.  The police showed up.

It wasn't long before Cruel Filipina Dominatrix began to "groom" her next female "sub" laughing with her, arm around her and then the sub starting showing up on Friday afternoons and leaving on Sunday evening.

City code enforcement shut down her home porn business, courtesy of Anarchist Drew, who was torqued off on how Cruel Filipina Dominatrix and her subs were bringing down the property values in the neighborhood because they wouldn't keep up their yard.  You know it's bad when the Anarchist in the neighborhood worries about property values.

Attorney Couple down the street from us had words because they could her whipping someone one summer's eve while on a stroll.  "Bill got this look on his face and I was like 'never in a million years'; but seriously, can't she do that in the basement?"

Pot Smoking Phil weighed in on her saying "She said I could find more happiness in submission to another than I could in smoking a joint, and I was like 'Dude!'"

Jamaican Betty went so far as to call Cruel Filipina Dominatrix malevolent enough that "I want to make a voodoo doll of her and drop it in hot fat."

And the Bob Wolf(e)s (a gay couple whose names are Bob Wolf and Bob Wolfe) are annoyed with the Cruel Filipina Dominatrix' cats which roam the neighborhood and crap in the flowers and spray urine on the bushes. "I just want to slap her," says Bob Wolf while his husband, Bob Wolfe adds in "But she would like it too much."

So when she put her house on the market, it surprised no one when Jamaican Betty proudly announced (in a low whisper) that she had snuck on to the the property and buried St. Joseph upside down to facilitate a fast sale on the house.

All this makes us wonder, are the slings included in the purchase price, like the drapes?  And what of the dog cage where the blond girl slept - and prompted the call to the police?

Once this plays out, we'll let you know.  And if there is an open house, I'll be sure to take pictures.


  1. And I thought my neighborhood was full of interesting people. Yours is a beehive of gossipy activity what with rumors of the Tot Mom and Tina Filipina. Perhaps Tot Mom will buy Tina Filipina's house and start an abortion clinic.

  2. We're going to need photos to add to your already amazing submission to my upcoming neighbourhood post.

  3. God, my neigborhood is so dull in comparision. We were in an uproar when the widow woman with the live in boyfriend painted her trim titty nipple pink. It's white brick with a gray shingle roof so it could have been worse. TB

  4. After seeing MJ's request, texted the Bob Wolf(e)s and Bob Wolf answered saying he suggested that it would be nice if Mrs. G.I. Joe (who lives at the OTHER end of the block) would pose for a picture to show us what she got for herself as a birthday surprise for her husband: a breast augmentation.

  5. The internet is forever, therefore, somewhere pictures from her porn business of her cute red headed boyfriend in a dog collar and nothing else are still floating around. We need to find them.

  6. We cannot wait for the next installment! Like MJ I want photos! Oh and what happened to the Puppies? I am heading back over to Norma's

  7. The things you learn about Central Ohio neighborhoods. It sounds like you live in a far more interesting neighborhood than we did!

    Keep us apprised of how it turns out!

  8. "only to you this could happen....."

    Surround yourself with interesting people. Truth is usually stranger than fiction.

  9. Damn.....good gossip. I joke that we we ARE the gossip in our neighborhood....

  10. Left Ohio in January of '85 & I can tell that that facet of living there hasn't changed much at all.......

    (Jersey runs a close second though!)

  11. Absolutely fascinating. When I was a kid I wanted to live next door to The Brady Bunch. Now I wish I lived in your neighborhood.