Thursday, September 1, 2011

Good news, and bad news: We have a winner!

Model wearing glasses designed as an homage to the fins on a 1959 Chevrolet Impala

The GOOD NEWS is we have a winner....DREWBE!  Drewbe successfully guessed that I bought myself an Oldsmobile.  Now for the bad news....

Because Drewbe cheated (his own words, not mine) we can't award him the cash prize of $50,000 that became available last night after the decision was handed down in the Case of the Wrong Twin Making the Winning Shot.  Shucks.  Learning life lessons is a bitch.  But better to learn it now among friends than to learn it in front of a TV camera crew, right?  America loves a winner, but it loves seeing disappointment and a healthy does of comeuppance in the face of a contestant even more.

As a consolation prize Drewbe wins a ride in the car the next time he comes to Columbus*.

In fact we didn't go out and fall in love with a Cutlass, or a Toronado, or even a convertible.  No, we fell in love with the forgotten Oldsmobile, a 1962 Super 88 Celebrity Sedan. That's right, the ultimate old lady car. I say forgotten because pictures of these babies are rarer than hens teeth.  When GM promoted these cars they used an artist sketch series instead of lushly photographed studio images.  I can't even find an image of the car on the GM web site.  But I also say forgotten because out of the 24,000 plus that were built, I doubt a thousand of these puppies are on the road.  Most were driven until they broke about. I don't even remember seeing a lot of these in the 1970s when they would have hit ten years old.

We couldn't even find a good graphic image of the Oldsmobile logo that debuted for the 1962 models and then retired at the end of the 1964 model year. How crazy is that?  So I had to create one just for the image on the web page. 

So pictures of her will be forthcoming once she is back and in a nice location, because we all want to feel pretty when we have our picture taken, right?

We got the car on Monday evening and drove her about. As I type this she is at my trusty mechanic having her carburetor rebuilt, a new fuel line and fuel filter installed and having the gas tank pulled and lined.  Hey, when you're fifty years old your can will have dropped and you're vacuum powers will be beginning to wane.  They don't call us old farts for a reason.

I can tell you that she is in original condition.  Her chrome is excellent.  No rot through on the body and her original two tone paint has a nice luster - but it's fifty years old.  The inside is a different story - a 99% out of 100% perfect.  If it were any more immaculate, it's name would be Mary and when the door opened up out would pop Jesus.  Needs a little cleaning.  But flawless.

And we have named her: BGO for Big Gay Olds in honor of Big Gay Al from Southpark.  Why?  Well she is almost 18 feet in length, she looks like a grandmother car AND she's SUPER (88) to see you!

Here's a teaser picture:

*All prizes subject to availability.  Winner will forfeit their prize in the event that said method of delivering the prize is sold, out of gas or just not around.  Winners must make their reservations at least a year in advance.  You must be this high to ride. No pimply people will be allowed in the vehicle.  Offer void in Canada or anyplace else that isn't the continental United States; come to think of it, this offer is void if you are outside the greater Central Ohio area.  The Grantor of the prize will decide what constitutes Central Ohio. If we meet you and decide that you in the car could hurt the cars feelings you are out of luck. Prize has a cash value of 1/100,000,000,000 of a cent.