Monday, May 24, 2010

Indiana: Satan's Playground

I don't have a picture of this, else I would post it.  But I have long had a sinking feeling whenever I enter the State of Indiana, of complete dread and evilness.  For example, did you know that Indiana is one of the most conservative states in the United States? Right up their with Mississippi.  And did you know that Indiana has one of the most active KKK populations and in the US.  I kid you not.

But it is what living in Indiana did to Marilyn Quayle that I find that most chilling outcomes to time spent in the Hoosier State. People came out of the Hanoi Hilton in better shape than Marilyn Qayle has looked for the past 25 years. Look at her:

Anyway, after we escaped from the jaws of Gary, Indiana - and right there is a perfect explaination of why Michael Jackson turned out the way he did - we stopped at a place called Hebron/Lowell, which is a a glorified exit with truck stops and truckers.  We tanked up the Pathfinder and went inside to get two "cold drinks" before we soldiered onto Indianapolis, our next "stop". 

Now it was 10AM on a Sunday morning in God's Country, and what business do you thing was busting at the seams at that exit on I64?

The Lion's Den Adult Book Store was filled with heathens!  At least we think that they were heathens as we did not enter that Satan's Playground on the Lord's Day.  Instead, we did what the owners and passengers of all those vehicles in the full parking lot should have been doing, which was judging them - something that good Christian like Marilyn Quayle excel at doing.

While God teaches us not to cast the first stone, unless He commands it, we sat there, smug in our Nissan knowing that good old Gay guys like us where shocked - shocked, I say - that here in the bosom of conseravtive family values that a porn palace was raking in the moo-lah that should have been earmarks for Jesus' collection plates.  We were also shocked to think that at least half of the men in there were at least on their knees, taking another type of communion.  To serve man is one thing, but to service man on a Sunday morning?  To Hell with Church - what about breaking the holiness that is Brunch? 

As I drove I thought of the other hypocrisies things that Indiana hath wrought.  Like that Congressman who preached abstinence from sex out of wedlock while he was playing nookie-nookie on the side with his female aid.  I thought of Dan Coats - the man who called Bill Clinton a "scumbag" - who was now running for the disgraced Congressman's seat.  (Note to self : in Indiana, if a Democrats cheats and lies about, he's a scumbag.  If a Republican does the same thing, he's just getting some poon tang on the side.)  And I thought about how Indianapolis stole the Baltimore Colts from Baltimore.  As I said, Indiana is Satan's Playground, whether they want to admit it or not.

 No doubt that by late afternoon all those good Christian men who frequented that Lion's Den in the morning were sitting back in their chairs getting ready to commiserate with their wives about the lapse in morals that has enveloped in the nation as a whole. When we finally hit the Ohio line at 4PM, I felt as if a great weight had been lift from my shoulders.  I looked in the review mirror, relieved to see that Satan's Playground was safely where we had left it.  Ohio has its problems, but as my mother always told me "it's better to wrestle with the devil you know instead of courting the one that you don't."

1 comment:

  1. While you are on the subject of the weirdness the state of Indiana oozes from its pores, I lived there for one year and it freaked me out something awful. No kidding. (We) lived nearby the neighborhood where Rev. Jim Jones first church still stands(!) E-e-k!