If we just took away their automatic transmissions...

If we just took away their automatic transmissions, I think that the plague of bad drivers on cell phones could abate some, for a time.

In the end it was a "Different Stroke" indeed

First Art Linkletter, now this.

CNN is reporting that child TV star Gary Coleman has died. If so, may he rest in peace that evaded him in life. The cruel irony - that the former star of Different Strokes died of an intracranial hemorrhage - is not lost on me.


In a way, it somehow reminds of others who have died ironic deaths.  The first and foremost was Chuckle's The Clown - a character on the Mary Tyler Moore Show.







 
My thoughts go out to Todd Bridges - he is the lone actor from Different Strokes that remains alive.
 
May Coleman rest in peace - something that evaded him in life.

It strikes again!

No for me as well!

Captcha Madness! It strikes, again

SO Donna posts this link to a page with these women who have inject silicone into their lips and posted my reply and then I see the "Captcha" and I thought, "who'd want to fuck any of them, let alone Fuck-A-Miss?"

Now this is a little more like it

A little Racquel, a little Devo, a little Hammond Organ. Perfect!

What was it?

Well?

We want to know what your FIRST thought was when you saw it. Others do too.

Why? Seen at the Cemetery

This begs the question, were they killed by Jaws?

-Or- did they die from an unhealthy desire to eat Fugu?

Tuesday is Dress Up Day!

So pull your dress up!

She served ice cream from where?

Yes, we had our mind in the gutter, but we love Cuni's Ice Cream.

Indiana: Satan's Playground

I don't have a picture of this, else I would post it.  But I have long had a sinking feeling whenever I enter the State of Indiana, of complete dread and evilness.  For example, did you know that Indiana is one of the most conservative states in the United States? Right up their with Mississippi.  And did you know that Indiana has one of the most active KKK populations and in the US.  I kid you not.

But it is what living in Indiana did to Marilyn Quayle that I find that most chilling outcomes to time spent in the Hoosier State. People came out of the Hanoi Hilton in better shape than Marilyn Qayle has looked for the past 25 years. Look at her:

Anyway, after we escaped from the jaws of Gary, Indiana - and right there is a perfect explaination of why Michael Jackson turned out the way he did - we stopped at a place called Hebron/Lowell, which is a a glorified exit with truck stops and truckers.  We tanked up the Pathfinder and went inside to get two "cold drinks" before we soldiered onto Indianapolis, our next "stop". 

Now it was 10AM on a Sunday morning in God's Country, and what business do you thing was busting at the seams at that exit on I64?

The Lion's Den Adult Book Store was filled with heathens!  At least we think that they were heathens as we did not enter that Satan's Playground on the Lord's Day.  Instead, we did what the owners and passengers of all those vehicles in the full parking lot should have been doing, which was judging them - something that good Christian like Marilyn Quayle excel at doing.

While God teaches us not to cast the first stone, unless He commands it, we sat there, smug in our Nissan knowing that good old Gay guys like us where shocked - shocked, I say - that here in the bosom of conseravtive family values that a porn palace was raking in the moo-lah that should have been earmarks for Jesus' collection plates.  We were also shocked to think that at least half of the men in there were at least on their knees, taking another type of communion.  To serve man is one thing, but to service man on a Sunday morning?  To Hell with Church - what about breaking the holiness that is Brunch? 

As I drove I thought of the other hypocrisies things that Indiana hath wrought.  Like that Congressman who preached abstinence from sex out of wedlock while he was playing nookie-nookie on the side with his female aid.  I thought of Dan Coats - the man who called Bill Clinton a "scumbag" - who was now running for the disgraced Congressman's seat.  (Note to self : in Indiana, if a Democrats cheats and lies about, he's a scumbag.  If a Republican does the same thing, he's just getting some poon tang on the side.)  And I thought about how Indianapolis stole the Baltimore Colts from Baltimore.  As I said, Indiana is Satan's Playground, whether they want to admit it or not.

 No doubt that by late afternoon all those good Christian men who frequented that Lion's Den in the morning were sitting back in their chairs getting ready to commiserate with their wives about the lapse in morals that has enveloped in the nation as a whole. When we finally hit the Ohio line at 4PM, I felt as if a great weight had been lift from my shoulders.  I looked in the review mirror, relieved to see that Satan's Playground was safely where we had left it.  Ohio has its problems, but as my mother always told me "it's better to wrestle with the devil you know instead of courting the one that you don't."

Passive Aggressive BS

Well, my little cygnets, I'm back from the vacation from Hell. 

After days of rain, rain and MORE rain, the weather finally cleared enough for me to get into the car and drive six hours to Chicago for my nephew's graduation.  OK, seeing my niece and nephew was a good thing.  And I saw my sister-in-law, that was good as well because she's a great person with two terrific kids.  And then I got to see my other sister in law - that was great as well.  And the inlaws were there, and they were delightful as always. 

But the time that I planned on going out and doing things was happered by rain, which effects my mood.  I'm practicly dripping in mental mildew after last week.

But ahhh, when I got back to work there was something for me!  Guess!

A co-worker wore his Passive Aggressive Personality best!  Here's the bad part of this.  He's a good guy, when he choses to be.  But this morning was not a shining moment.  Graciousness escapes him, and I often pay that price.

I was talking with Mrs. Edwin Smith Standish and...

I was telling her that with everything thats been going on (work, work and more work) and all the stress (tension, tension tension) that I need a few days to myself.

And Mrs. Smith Standish, Martha to her closest friends - which you are not so its Mrs. Smith Standish to you - said, "Whenever I feel overwhelmed by the pressure of my club duties, of running the house and keeping up on what cook, and maid and Japanese Gardner are doing around our home, I sometimes go off on a Caprice of five days or so, just to recharge my batteries."

And I think that's what I'll do this week!  No plans, I'm just going to do as I see fit.  Everything a mad dash seperated by a few naps here and there. 

So I shall see you in seven days or so.  Have a fabulous week ahead!

My Constant

Even though the husband and I have known each other for almost 30 year, have been together as a couple for 13, 11 years since out commitment ceremony and almost two since we were married, I have recently taken to referring to him in mixed company as my "Constant".

"Husband" sounds so middle class, and while I want marriage rights for same sex couples, "husband and husband" just sounds like two women talking about their men who are out golfing.  I want something deeper, something that is free from society's stamp of approval.  I want something that says to people that he is my world, my better half.  And don't even bring up the oh so dated & hated "lover" which infuses sex in an undigified fashion into all civil occassions like the sudden expulsion of gas from a cavity.

So "Constant" it is. He is always there when I need him.  He is my compliment And he always laughs when I do.

Chaneling the pothole

So last night I get home, eat dinner and take a few minutes to relax.  I turned on the computer and checked my email and there was this email from this woman and it went something like this:

Re: Cookie Family Genealogy

Dear Cookie~

I was looking at your listing of Catherine Cookie on http://www.findagrave.com/ and noticed that you didn't have her exact birth and death date.  Well I found her obituary today and it gives her birth and death dates!  It talks about her going to her grandson Oscar's funeral a week before she died.  And I noted that she had twelve children listed in her obituary, and you only listed eleven.  This obituary would help you fill in those holes.  I normally charge $5 for this. If you are interested, let me know and I'll send you my address.

Very truly yours,

Debbie

So went and looked at my great great great grandmother's listing and yes I had failed to put anything but years in for their birth and deaths.  And yes, they have eleven of 12 children listed - because their seventh son literally struck it rich in gold and parlayed that into a nationally known company that is still in business today.  Its probably in the top five of its industry and worth billions.

But what struck me as odd is that this woman was holding information that I could need about my 3Xgreat grandmother hostage for $5.  And in genealogy, that's a BIG no no because we in the hobby don't do that to one and other.  Obviously she knew enough about me to know about "Catherine Cookie" and her full brood of children.  But to good Lord that over my head for $5, thats a no-no - why thats Genalogical Blackmail is what it is, and over priced Blackmail at that!

Moreover, her email to me was written in a style that implied that we had been corresponding about this topic.  That little Re; Catherine Cookie in the subject line and all.

So, I cleaned up those listings on gravefinder.com, added the dates - I've been doing this for 30 years and have filing cabinets of dossiers on all the ancestors.  Then I back linked the golden child into his parents biographies and I was almost done.

The final step was to channel the GEICO Pothole and write "Debbie" (But Debbie didn't get the hyperlink):
__________

Dear Debbie~


I cannot express my most sincere thoughts for your efforts to contact me.   And I cannot put into words how valuable that obituary would be to me. I can't imagine how you would come across this obituary and think about me! 


That was so very selfless.

And lord bless you that you went to all that time and effort to come up with that enticing email. You have a real talent for drawing people in.  Not everybody has that gift.  But you do.  Your offer of $5 is almost too good to pass up, but I must because I can make my own copies, from an original newspaper clipping in my file, at Kinko's for .08¢ per copy. 


I am so sorry that you went to all that trouble, but good luck with your endeavours.   God bless you and keep helping those who don't know your good heart like I do.


Cool Cookie

____

$5 a copy? My ass, bitch.

They Call Him MISTER Peenee

Peenee...oh my GOD Peenee!

Why? You had me from the first and you're so far away.  Damn it man!

Anything that I could say about our Peenee pales in comparision to the man who is Peenee.  If I were wearing a hat, I would tip in your direction.

So Not Shaker Heights: Nichelle Nichols got herself some bad ass boots.

The second picture is poor quality, but Bitch got it all going on.

All of a sudden!

Thank God for NormaDesmond is all I can say.  Far from ever wearing a ferbisseneh punim, his insights are keen and his sense of what right is right on.  Plus he's a lovely man.  His blog, Mitten Drinnen, is a welcome break during my day.   Anyway, he has been one of the "inner circle" and he's one of the people that I rely upon to make me smile and keep me in line.

What is it about New Jersey?

Lakewood New Jersey's Pork, Egg and Cheese Race



Lakewood's Eye Ball Race

and while it didn't happen in New Jersey, who can forget the infamous SAUSAGE GATE in Milwaukee!

I want to watch the passing parade with her!

God, what can be said about Donna Lethal that hasn't been said before, and so much better by others? I think that Jayne Mansfield, communicating from the great beyond said best when she said "Dishie". I would add that even though she has killer instincts, and has the divine blog - Lethal Dose - she's just someone that I want to hang with, share a beer and watch the passing parade pass by before I have to head back to museum in Pasadena and back to academic interests.

You gotta have a gimmick

Seriously.

And now words of wisdom from Dorinda

The Haunted Lamp

From the very beginning, Mr. Bluehaunt has been a huge fan of mine, but even before that, I was a huge fan of his.  His taste is exquisite.  His insight is priceless.  And we both love Metlox contemporary china!  Moreover, he's a lovely person who also happens to be H-O-T, sizzle.

If you haven't done so, visit his blog  The Haunted Lamp, and ENJOY a feast for your eyes.

Art I regret not buying

When we were at Brimfield last May, this lovely lady with a "take no shit, take no prisoners" attitude caught my eye from beneath my Amish wide brim hat.  If she were just painted without the umbrella, she would have been just another nude study.  But with the Umbrella in one hand and on her shoulder, and her hand on here hip, she transcended that of a nude study and entered the pantheon of great ribald camp art.

But alas, we were not to become one because she was priced obscenely high and well beyond my means since I have been living without a credit card for the past five years.  So if I can't pay for the things I need in cash, I can't have them, and there were other things away from Brimfield that required my attentuion.  And the dealer refused to dicker on the price.  So we parted, but I took this picture, and thus, we will always have Brimfield.

Where would I be if it were not for TBJ?  Cowering in a corner, writing staid history books, looking myself up on the Library of Congress card catalog.  Surfing for porn.  But here is man who took my blog-o-hand and guided me.  He showed me things that I never dreamt of seeing on the internet.  Then I discovered Stirred Straight Up With A Twist!  Who knew that there was more to being online than looking at pictures of naked men?  Imagine that!

But seriously, everyone needs a TBJ in their life, and more importantly, one needs to learn and then pay it forward.  TBJ is a dear man as many of you know, but to me he will always be something more to me.

Happy Birthday, Martha Douce!

Happy Birthday!

Links to Brilliance Week

This week, instead of my usual drivel, I encouraging all y'all to visit some of the blogs that have been very supportive of yours truely. 

Happy Mothers Day Mom!

CAPTCHA This Serendipity: Cozie

So Julie London is singing a highly sexualized version of the Mickey Mouse Club Theme and I make a comment that its sexually charged - her seductive bee stung lips almost look like a look like a sexual thing and the word verification that I get is COZIE, which make me think of Coozie, which is southern slang for V-A-G-I-N-A.  This reminds me of the old joke:

Man walks into a beer joint and says to the middle age, rode-hard-put-down-wet tramp sitting at the bar "Honey, I sure could use a little coozie."

She thinks about it for a second and then replies "So would I.  Mine's about as big as a bucket."

True Story: Poor Connie

True Story: My mother's friend from Marion Harding High School, Ann Schaffner (her family once owned the town's bigger furniture store and owned the leading Funeral Home, married a member of the Schlitz (think Beer) family named Warren.

When Ann became pregnant with her first child, and by this time both she and my mother were living in Cleveland, there was the great weight of coming up with a name for the baby that would make the Schlitz family happy.  Warren's family was still very German, the first name had to be listed in the name rolls that the German government keeps. They do this as to not delute German culture. Even though Warren was very American, his family was still rooted in the old world.

When Ann had her baby my mother had a giant fit because they named her "Constance". Its a pretty name, but when you combine "Constance" with the family's surname and you have effectivly named the kid diarrhea. By the time she went to Shaker Heights High (I think Connie graduated with my one of my brothers - she would be class of 1968 or 1971), she was going by Connie, but her wedding announcement in the NYT went by Constance. Living life with the name Constance Schlitz, in the New York Times,  - now that takes Gusto.

Here's Connie's wedding announcement from the NYT. 

Last I heard Connie was in Washington DC practicing law, a misnomer because lawyers don't practice anything, they sue you.  So Connie, if you are out there, this Schlitz is for you.

Its been awhile: What About That Nice Mrs. J?

My poor little friends and fans.  This is a chance to learn from someone else lest such a tragedy befalls you! 

Read the narrtive from this ad.  If your eyes are so bad that you can't see the text, put your readers on, or click on the image and get a BIGGER view.  Its heartbreaking to know that you, yes, YOU, could be friendless because of an odor emminating from your secret lady place.

Poor Mrs. J. is pretty and poised. But she has a problem: Feminine Odor. The alternative? Using Brown Lysol on her "delicate tissues" and all the folds and crevices contained within. Lovely. If she took up a career as a nursing home administrator she'll fit right in.

I asked my mother if women really did this, and my 85 year old mother confirmed that some women did indeed douche with Lysol. "But," as my mother said "if they were smart they went to the doctor. That kinda of odor usually means something else down there is a brewing." Lovely, mom, and brutally honest, too.

Originally posted right here July 23, 2009

Coincidence? You decide.

Miss Donna Lethal and I have discovered that some thing is afoot, or that someone - maybe the Goddess Fate herself - has a strange sense of humor in the word verification department at Blogger. And its happening with alarming regularity.  The latest case involves Mr. Peenee having a kniption over his closet doors, which are off the track.  And just LOOK at the word that they want ME to verify before posting my response to missy tantrum.

If I were you, I'd rush to B.D.'s Mongolian BBQ, tell them its your birthday and have them make you a tres chic foil hat for your mind's protection.

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

BLT's for EVERYONE!

If you must suffer, then do it for beauty sake

But she looked great for her trial date!

Watch this before it gets yanked from youtube