Thursday, June 13, 2013
No Derecho, so I am going shopping...
Grocery shopping in Baltimore is only slightly better than getting bamboo splints hammered under your nails.
Lets say you have FIVE normal things on your list - and these are things and brands that any Ralph's or Kroger's would have on the self. And you needed four chicken breasts on top of that.
Thats essentially SIX food items. Seven if you count the husbands favorite ice cream.
Again, all normal brands, and nothing way out funky.
In any place other than Baltimore, thats a half hour - 45 minutes out of your life, max.
HERE, it's a three hour fox trot to three different stores.
You can usually get the five items and the ice cream at Giant Foods. But since no two Giant Foods is organized the same or stocked the same, its a fifty/fifty split whether they will have it, or you can find it. You usually have to rummage around into the depths of the shelves. That Dole Pineapple you wanted in its own juices? Sorry, they only have three shelves of Dole Pineapple, ALL in heavy syrup.
So you have to go to another store to get the pineapple rings, and your husband's ice cream, because they are out of that too. And their chicken? Doesn't look so good.
At the second store, you find the Pineapple, but they don't stock Ben & Jerry's in any flavor but Phish Food and Chunky Monkey. And their chicken? Legs and thighs, but no breasts. "Are you sure?" you ask. The man shows you their chicken strips, which are nice, but not suitable for chicken Kiev.
So you HOPE that Eddie's, a small pricey boutique market chain has it, because you want to avoid having to go to Graul's, another boutique chain at all cost. You can get almost everything at Eddie's, but it ends up costing double, and they don't double the coupons, either.
Eddie's has the Chicken (organic, range fed, plump and healthy looking - I'm funny about my chicken) but not the ice cream, so you pick the husband's second favorite, Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino.
And, oh shit! Dog food! Eddie's only has it in large dog size Iams and the kibbles are as large as Kevin's head, so that won't do. Onto Petco.
Petco has the dog food, but the cashiers drift away at this store and as a result, the line is a mile long. There goes the ice cream. BONUS points, when the guy working the register returns IT'S THE CHIT CHATTER and he is master of small talk ("I had a kitten once and I named him Freddy and he was the best kitty in the world, not mean like my grammy's cat Tangy"), 'cause "we is in the south" and thats what they do instead of waiting on the other customers.
And IF the list includes London Broil slice thin and Finladia Swiss Cheese for the hubby? Then tack on another fifteen miles because you have to hoof it out to BJ's Wholesale Club for that.
Such is my life. Perhaps I should change this blog into "Confessions of Mad House Husband"