We've been sinking a lot of money into the house - and when I say a lot, I mean a lot for us. I may have been raised in family with money, but remember I was the sheep negro of moi family and I was written out of my father's will.
Such is life after the death of an asshole.
So we live in a simple 100 year house - nothing fancy and a far cry from the houses in Shaker where I was raised. How different? Well, this one doesn't sit on a half acre, doesn't have a living room that is simply for show, a circular driveway and a huge, and hidden, garage? Parrish the thought! But it suits us, the neighbors are fun and the payments are low, low, low. So we stay.
Still I became concerned about how much money we were spending, so I told my analyst, Dr. Shrink, at my last appointment and he seemed non-plused. In fact he said that its not an uncommon thing to do. It's my subconscious trying to bring an order to my life now that things have been forced into a new order with mother's passing.
The examination of my thoughts and feelings was very thorough
Says the Doctor: "Many people deal with grief in a number of manifestations. Some people travel to get away from things, others redecorate or even move. Then there are the men who go right out and marry the first piece of tail that comes running when they smell a fresh widower. The one's that deal with their loss by drinking and sleeping around, well, hopefully, they get to me before they completely self-destruct and end up having having more sex partners than a bottom in a Treasure Island Media film cast."
"That kind of clean up," says he as he scrunches up his nose and squints while doing Jazz Hands, "gets really messy."
Then he says "Given the complicated dynamics of your relationship with your mother, I would have been very worried if you did nothing after she died - very worried."
How worried, I asked.
"Jesus, Mary: WORRIED! Are you happy now? Of course you are. You are hooked on affirmations." he says. And I paid $110 dollars off of insurance for that? Anyway, I love Dr. Shrink, and not in anyway that's creepy or would be fodder for a film, because he's usually right.
I mean what could have happened to me if I had pushed all the feelings down - way down, and not reacted to her passing, right? Things could have got ugly.
I mean how many times do we watch the news and see these stories about SWAT teams surrounding a building and having a stand off that ends poorly for someone? Afterwords, the neighbors who get interviewed always say something like "He seemed like such a nice person," or the more damning "We didn't see to much of him - he kept to himself."
And truth be told, if I had not reacted, I would have been worried about myself, as well.