Wednesday, April 7, 2010

You have to give in order to get

I love my neighbors - they are good people and they are fun to be with.  But truth be told, I hate bridge - both the structure and the card game.  Well tonight I'm hosting bridge at our house with the ladies from up the street.  You gotta give a little to get in return.  So if I love their company, then I gotta give a wee bit on the cards.

What I dispise about a polite game of Bridge is that its a game in which people are polite, but they savage each other after every hand is played:

Irene: That was an interesting bid, but I wouldn't have played it that way.

Connie: How many points did you have in hand?

Louise: Why did you go with clubs?  My GOD you could have run the board in no trump.

Renee: I know you're holding out the good scotch on us...

Seriously - this is a game in which someone has to be the dummy.

For the uninitiated, Bridge is a game of great thought and strategy.  But the play of the cards is NOTHING compared to the bidding, which is all done in code.  The thinking behind bidding is that you are TELLING YOUR PARTNER WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR HAND WITHOUT TELLING THEM WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR HAND.

I play only enough to gossip - after a few drinks you get all the best gossip and chat:

Irene: Well you heard that Marilyn is going to be a grandmother, didn't you?  That cheap piece of ass her son was running with said she was on the pill and she wasn't...

Renee: ...and I told her if she didn't do something before that girl got knocked that her son would be taking out the trash at the wedding when he had to dance with his new "mother-in-law"...

Louise...Connie, where did you see her and she was wearing hot pants in January...

Connie...Who was wearing hot pants?  Oh, you mean Betty Crandall?  Did you hear her daughter is pregnant with Marilyn's grandchild...did anyone bring a joint?  I need to get this edge off of me before I go home...

But I swear to God in his heaven if Louise starts in on me tonight about card plays, I will go into the kitchen and God as my witness I will get a rag to stuff in her f-ing mouth!


  1. so cele, are we playing one or two table tonight?

  2. It was a one table night. No celery. These women booze when they play bridge.

  3. I have always wanted to learn to play bridge. When are you coming over?

  4. I can teach you how to bid, and follow suit and keep control of the table. I can't help you scoring, though. That is a Gothic Romance unto itself.