Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The beginning of the last things in a life.

So throughout the whole Bertie Decision, it seems like we have have gone through a series of steps.  Coming to the relaization that this needed to be done.  Talking with the vet about what happens. Waiting for my husband E to come to the same place I was in the decision making.  Making the appointment.  Getting through the past week.

This morning, no more steps. Now we have hurdles that have to be overcome.

Hurdle one was getting through the husband's "Good bye".  The last time her held her.  Waiting for him to let go. 

So now it will be my turn, my hurdle to come.  Get things ready for work.  Get her into the car. Get going.

Throughout this what my mind can't adjust to is that I'm coming home later today.  She never will as a living being.  Though she is forever in my heart, this is the beginning of the last things.

My mind is going back to the day we met, when she and her littermates - all long since passed - where put out on the grass for me to see.  She navigated the grass to come to me, turned around with her back to me.  And when I heald her for that first time - she fit in the palm of my hand - I never imagined that there would be the day that I would hold her for the final time.

That day is here.  Think of her in the moments after 9AM(EDT).  Pray for me in the days to come.

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