Tragic, simply tragic.

Cookie is, this week, on the West Coast working.  I adore being out here.  The palm trees, the vibe.  But getting from the east coast to the west coast is exhausting and expensive.   Exhausting because the time change fucks with you.  Expensive because Cookie flies first class.  Circulation, you know.

So I booked in at the same hotel in Pasadena only to find that its been remodelling, again.

Don't get me wrong - a hotel needs to stay up with the times.  This one was built and opened in 1969, and It probably went through remodels in the the 1970s, 80s, 90s, and the 2000's.

But this time, the remodel results are very HGTV meets boutique hotel and the results are tres tragic. And the look is NOTHING like the pictures online.

First off, the lobby has come full circle.  Built in 1969, the walls have been redone in faux 1969.  Dark, dark wood, laid like a screen, vertically on the walls with white accents. And white, white walls.  And the panel behind the registration desk is uber HGTV texture wall.

The dining room has lost its 2000's comfy chairs, and have been replaced by this faux Danish design chairs paired to white metal tables.

But the rooms are where the whole design thing went off the rails.

Gone are the beds from the Big Plush Bed era, replaced with a stark platform bed, with white duvet and four tiny feather pillows.  On a queen bed they look lost.  On either side are side tables, mounted to the wall, and above them are small sconces with hidden switches.  Each putting out a droplet of light at night.

In the place where the chest of drawers that no one ever used is a wooden wall that holds a huge flat screen tv mounted flat to the wall.

The desk is now a small table sitting on two crossed legs perside, much like a picnic table.  But this is finished in faux Danish Walnut.  This is mated to a side chair, better suited to a dining room table, that is non adjustable.  Said chair looks like it came from Target, and is too short for the height of the desk, so if your laptop is on the desk, then your wrists are up in the air near your nipples.

In lieu of an occasional chair is a chaise lounge that has more in common with a corner booth at a restaurant.   And NONE of the seating areas has a place for you to put your arms.  Everything is armless.

The chaise is sitting about a foot from the wall because it would otherwise block the HVAC system.

The corner torchere is a tripod of plain round brown metal legs, and a center pole.  Connecting them is a cup with a plug, and a switch and a USB hub.  This is crowned by a drum shade and holds a 40 watt equivalent bulb.   This is another thing - the room, at night with every light on is dark, dramatic and impractical.

But the final indignity is that bathroom.  Everything is lovely, right down to the TV Cart inspired sink base and the concrete countertop.  But there is no hook in the bathroom.   How does one have a bathroom without a hook on the wall?  And why is the toilet paper hidden by the trash container?  Why is the soap dish shaped like an egg cup, with the bar of soap standing erect?  Why is the bar of used soap sitting in a pool of slimey soapy water in the the egg cup?

And the sink has no faucet, but a tube.  To regulate the water, you use foot pedals, like the wash up sink at the dentist office.  How is this ADA compliant?

The room does come with a low hearing guest doorbell.  You flip a switch inside and then push the button out and you are assaulted with a noise that sounds like the fire alarm in your office building.

When I asked at the front desk, I was told that their marketing people at Namebrand Hotel Chain have found that today's traveller prefers to hang out in the lobby and socialize.  And they love working in a coffee shop atmosphere.  "We put a great deal of emphasis on the lobby and lounge seating."

Nice, if you suffer from Hipsteritis.  But I am paying for a room designed to be stark, alienating .  I can go and sit in a hotel lobby for free.

So I fear that this may be my last time staying with my old friend.  It seems to have forgotten that some people travel and expect substance over style.  The idea of a hotel should allow you to relax, not make you feel like like an $300 a night unwanted guest.