Answered: Things my mother would have said, Episode 1

Oh, no Mike. I hope it's not a case of the "She Gots"

In yesterday's post, I asked which the following, all, some or none would my mother have said in reference to the clips on the screen.  The possible answers were:

1) "Someone looks like she just wants attention."

2) "Missy there looks like she has ants in her pants."

3) "You know my friend Nevelyn?  Yes, you do - you went to school with her granddaughter Tammy. How would I know what Tammy's last name is - you went to school with her. Well, Nevelyn has a friend who had a sister who went down this exact same route and ended up in White Slavery. Said she was going to on Broadway.  She got the "broad" part down, she was running with a fast crowd and then one day - not a peep!  When she stopped writing her folks hired a detective to find the girl.  They found her on a boat in some place overseas; this what she had to do on the boat to keep the help happy.  Then when they got her back her she found Jesus like he was lost or something, and now she has a show on Public Access in Columbus where she paints and yabbers away. She claims that she still has Jesus, but that, she still likes to dance around like this at the Courtesy Inn after a few beers in praise of "Him."  I think she's full of shit.  Jesus would never set foot in that joint."

4) "I used to have a body like that."

5) "Bet she got plenty hot when she got done."

6) "Can you go in the kitchen and get me some of that cheese in a can, and some Trisket's?  No, bring the can, I can squeeze my own cheese onto the crackers..."

The correct answer(s) would be:

Drumroll, please,

2) "Missy there looks like she has ants in her pants."  (Mother loved the phrase "ant in your pants." She always giggled when she said it.)

3) "You know my friend Nevelyn?  Yes, you do - you went to school with her granddaughter Tammy. How would I know what Tammy's last name is - you went to school with her. Well, Nevelyn has a friend who had a sister who went down this exact same route and ended up in White Slavery. Said she was going to on Broadway.  She got the "broad" part down, she was running with a fast crowd and then one day - not a peep!  When she stopped writing her folks hired a detective to find the girl.  They found her on a boat in some place overseas; this what she had to do on the boat to keep the help happy.  Then when they got her back her she found Jesus like he was lost or something, and now she has a show on Public Access in Columbus where she paints and yabbers away. She claims that she still has Jesus, but that, she still likes to dance around like this at the Courtesy Inn after a few beers in praise of "Him."  I think she's full of shit.  Jesus would never set foot in that joint."  (Mother would see something, be bored with it, and then find a way to divert your attention by making it the springboard for a silly story - LIKE THIS ONE, which the husband and I always laugh about it because we never believed for a second that there was a woman named Nevelyn, until she showed up at the funeral home when Mom died.)

6) "Can you go in the kitchen and get me some of that cheese in a can, and some Trisket's?  No, bring the can, I can squeeze my own cheese onto the crackers..." (Mother loved canned cheese, to a point. When she was dying I brought her some in the hospital and she said: "You'll kill me with that stuff..."  She died about six hours later of her own accord.)

Why not the others?

She wanted the attention, all of it. So she wouldn't recognize it in others. 

She never thought she had a good body, even though she was fashionably built, made anything look like a million dollars, and thin in the right ways. 

Mom HATED the "gots".  Like "He got," and "She got," - it made her want to scream. "Cookie, it just sounds like you were raised in a barn and educated in the wallow."

Thank you for playing and see you again on "Things my mother would have said".