Friday, July 5, 2013

Well, now that summer is over...

...Target is putting out school supplies and has marked its outdoor stuff down to clearance levels.

Madness.  Sheer madness.

While today may be the FIFTH of July, Cookie's Razor, formerly known as Cookie's Axiom on Summer Days is that time between the 4th of July and Labor Day speeds up.  After Labor Day, time returns to a crawl as we wait for WINTER.

So what did we do for the 4th?  Well Husband cooked out and we feasted on hamburgers, tater tots and fresh corn on the cob.  Then we hunkered down UNTIL our neighbors set off a couple major fireworks.  And then all bets were off.  So we shuffled over there, had a beer and watched all manner of things explode:

1) Firey Dragon
2) Lotus Flowers
3) Sparklers
4) Red Rose, a ground display that was very close, and continued to grow in size and shape
5) Red White and Boom, which launched all sorts of whizzers and things that went pop, pop, BANG

He also set off something called "PANDA-monium"  which gave us a barrage of ten sizable mums in the air.

But the hit of the night were Golden Showers.  You heard me - our neighbors treated us to Golden Showers.  Their children were delighted to be under the Golden Showers as well.

Of course they were fireworks, you pervs. Great rockets reaching far over the treetops, producing large yellow mums that sparkled like diamonds. That kind of Golden Showers.

Then the kids were asking why the adults found "Golden Showers" to be funny, and while their parents were trying to change the subject the kids did what kids will do when they have been up too long and have eaten too much sugar - they started running around the front yard at 10pm calling out for "Golden Showers" and giggling.

So we decided it was time to go home.  As we left the parents we trying to capture their children and take them inside to bed. This is why we have dogs.

Tomorrow we have a picnic with some of the neighbors from the other neighborhood.  Yay!  And I am taking one of the Seven Salads of Marion, Ohio: Doritos Taco Salad:

1 head of iceberg lettuce.  I know that other lettuce's have more nutritional value, but this salad contains DORITOS for fuck sake.  Just buy the freaking iceberg lettuce, OK?
1 bottle of Kraft regular Catalina dressing
5-6 shots of Tabasco
1 pound lean ground beef, browned and crumbled
A Tomato
A Green Pepper (what they call back home "a mango")
A Vidalia Onion
1 bag of regular Doritos, crushed

-Brown the beef, drain the fat and allow to cool to room temperature.

-Open the Catalina dressing and shoot 5-6 shots (more or less, depending on your tastes, but it shouldn't overwhelm the dressing.

-Cut up the tomato, the green pepper and the onion

-Tear and wash the head of lettuce getting rid of the core and icky outer layers.  Drain well.

Mix all of the above in a very LARGE bowl, and douse the salad with 4/5th of the bottle of dressing. DO NOT BE A PUSSY WITH THE DRESSING and only add a couple drops, complaining about "I'm watching my figure.  Bitches, dump the contents of the bottle into the salad.  THEN add the crushed Doritos into the salad and mix well - and serve immediately.

I know this sounds disgusting but I guarantee you THIS will be the best thing you have eaten all summer.


  1. Summer? Over?! Madness indeed.

    I like fireworks. Except when I'm on Broom. There's nothing worse than PANDA-monium in one's skirts!

  2. Summer has been over for me since I stopped going to school. Now it's just another time of the year that I still have to work, but it gets hotter. I miss Red, White and Boom, but it was better to see from the roof of the library. Best July 4th, ever!

    Also, I do love that there are no less than seven salads from Marion. It is a mysterious place, it is!