It was a slow day at work and I stumbled upon a twenty year old copy of the Great Barbie List.
For the uninitiated, The Great Barbie List was a list that circulated years ago in the infancy of the consumer Internet that took Barbie, the doll icon and came up with various improbable iterations of the the plastic fashion doll. Since the list is getting long in the tooth, I started my own, incorporating recent events with some of the more timeless Barbie's that should have been, but never were.
Here are my ideas:
Ain’t Shavin’ My Pits Barbie
Mid-life Crisis Barbie
Desperate Housewives Barbie
Japanese Earthquake Barbie
Haley Barbie (Governor of Mississippi)
QVC Hostess Barbie
Florida Recount Barbie
Math Is Hard Barbie
Asian Driver Barbie (comes with car and Korean totem to hang from rearview mirror)
Women’s Fast Pitch Midge
Golden Girls Barbie (Sold with Over-Sexed Kelli, Bellicose Midge and Simple Stacey)
Perp Walk Barbie
Martha Stewart Barbie (comes with Get Out of Jail Poncho)
Mrs. Barbie Madoff (comes with Federal Pen Bound Ken Madoff, and US Justice Department Skipper)
Share a Smile ADA Becky
Crackhead Barbie (Come’s with Ken’s Crackhouse)
Barbra Streisand Number One Fan Barbie
Blogging to Free Tibet Barbie
Sequestered Grand Jury Barbie
Leaking Toxic Chemicals Skipper
Internet Camming Barbie
Gangsta Bitch Barbie and Tupac Ken
Comb-over Ken
Kicking It With Oprah Barbie
Soccer Thug Ken
Barbie’s Bitter German Cousin Bild Lillie
Michelle Bachman Barbie (Pull her string and all she speaks all sorts of gibberish)
Fukushima Diachii Nuclear Plant Hero Barbie
Waiting For Katie Couric to Retire Barbie
Irrationally Angry Tea Party Member Barbie (Comes with Birther Ken)
Barbie Palin, and her husband Ken Palin
Just Say Mao Barbie
Showing My Tits At NASCAR Infield Barbie
Royal Wedding Attendant Barbie
Sixth Year Undergraduate Barbie
Jewish American Princess Barbie
Betty Broderick Barbie (comes with a loaded gun so you can shoot Ken in bed aside for the Hell he put you through)
Facebook Barbie (She “likes” everything that friends post)
Jewish American Paunchy Ken
Coupon Clipping Barbie
Pole Dancer Barbie
Naked Yoga Instructor Ken
Underage Porn Star Skipper
Roll Your Own Tampon Midge
One Day At A Time Sweet Jesus Barbie
Stroke Out Barbie
Driving My Hybrid Barbie Car Barbie
Stuck In a Dead End Clerical Job Barbie
Block Watch Vigilante Barbie
High As A Kite Ken
Mall Rat Barbie
Pushing Her Rage Down, Deep Down, Barbie
Nazi Memorabilia Collector Barbie
Repressing Her Needs Barbie
Don’t Want No Fucking Kids Near Me Barbie
Condo Association Chairwoman Barbie (Comes With Snitching Skipper and Henpecked Ken)
Never Misses American Idol Barbie
Wheelchair Trapped in a Woman’s Room Becky
Blissed Out on Model Glue Skipper
A Shark Ate Me Leg Aussie Blaine
Lesbian Awakenings Barbie
Klaus Barbie
Neck Tattoo Barbie
Fag Hag Barbie
Feeling Not So Fresh Barbie
Cruel Dragon Lady Miko
Barrista Barbie (Comes with Grande Double Esspresso Carmel Delight Communter Ken)
Lovin’ Hot Wings Barbie (Sold with NASCAR Whore Kelli)
Soccer Mom Barbie
My Looks Are Fading Barbie
Burning Bed Barbie
Roid Rage Blaine
Quick Lift Barbie
Does This Skirt Make My Ass Look Large Skipper
American Catholic Priestess Barbie
Mah Jong Playing Miko
Twitter Freak Barbie
Germ-a-phobe Ken
In Foreclosure Barbie
A Dingo Took My Baby Barbie
Kruat Hunter Barbie
Belle Barth Barbie
Wet Nurse Barbie
Scrap Booking With a Vengeance Barbie
Labia Bewjewelled Barbie
INFOMANIAC Mistress Barbie
LaLeche League Midge
Internet Porn Addicted Ken
Chinese Taking Over World Economy Barbie
That’s What I’m Saying Barbie
ACCESSORIES
Golden Years Barbie Retirement Community and Lawn Bowling Set
Barbie's Dreamhouse in Foreclosure
Have I left any out? What would you add?
I'll be in line for
ReplyDeletenaked yoga instructor ken.
I've already made my own labia bejewelled barbie, however.
What? No, I eat my feelings Barbie? or Truck stop glory hole Ken?
ReplyDelete*Folds arms, turns with a sniff and takes Barbie's home!
Pirate, thats the point of the list. Take what you will and then make your own and stick it on your blog!
ReplyDeleteI would have been content with the Fag Hag Barbie but imagine my thrill at seeing INFOMANIAC Mistress Barbie!
ReplyDeleteEverybody knows that Truck stop glory hole Ken was modeled on AyeM8y.
Sweatshop Seamstress Barbie
ReplyDeleteSpecial 80's Mixmaster Rappin' Pop 'n Lock Barbie Bitch
Missed Period Ken Won't Return My Calls Barbie
Rich Bitch Barbie
50th Anniversary Botox Barbie
@mrpeenee - Not all of us have the luxury of opening up their linen closet to confer with their own personal Barbie friends about such matters....
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Unbelievably sexy jaded Barbie.
Oh, Hai everybody..
who could forget
ReplyDeletemiss south dakota meth whore barbie
too damn funny...
ReplyDelete