Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My great Barbie List

It was a slow day at work and I stumbled upon a twenty year old copy of the Great Barbie List

For the uninitiated, The Great Barbie List was a list that circulated years ago in the infancy of the consumer Internet that took Barbie, the doll icon and came up with various improbable iterations of the the plastic fashion doll.  Since the list is getting long in the tooth, I started my own, incorporating recent events with some of the more timeless Barbie's that should have been, but never were.

Here are my ideas:

Ain’t Shavin’ My Pits Barbie

Mid-life Crisis Barbie

Desperate Housewives Barbie

Japanese Earthquake Barbie

Haley Barbie (Governor of Mississippi)

QVC Hostess Barbie

Florida Recount Barbie

Math Is Hard Barbie

Asian Driver Barbie (comes with car and Korean totem to hang from rearview mirror)

Women’s Fast Pitch Midge

Golden Girls Barbie (Sold with Over-Sexed Kelli, Bellicose Midge and Simple Stacey)

Perp Walk Barbie

Martha Stewart Barbie (comes with Get Out of Jail Poncho)

Mrs. Barbie Madoff (comes with Federal Pen Bound Ken Madoff, and US Justice Department Skipper)

Share a Smile ADA Becky

Crackhead Barbie (Come’s with Ken’s Crackhouse)

Barbra Streisand Number One Fan Barbie

Blogging to Free Tibet Barbie

Sequestered Grand Jury Barbie

Leaking Toxic Chemicals Skipper

Internet Camming Barbie

Gangsta Bitch Barbie and Tupac Ken

Comb-over Ken

Kicking It With Oprah Barbie

Soccer Thug Ken

Barbie’s Bitter German Cousin Bild Lillie

Michelle Bachman Barbie (Pull her string and all she speaks all sorts of gibberish)

Fukushima Diachii Nuclear Plant Hero Barbie

Waiting For Katie Couric to Retire Barbie

Irrationally Angry Tea Party Member Barbie (Comes with Birther Ken)

Barbie Palin, and her husband Ken Palin

Just Say Mao Barbie

Showing My Tits At NASCAR Infield Barbie

Royal Wedding Attendant Barbie

Sixth Year Undergraduate Barbie

Jewish American Princess Barbie

Betty Broderick Barbie (comes with a loaded gun so you can shoot Ken in bed aside for the Hell he put you through)

Facebook Barbie (She “likes” everything that friends post)

Jewish American Paunchy Ken

Coupon Clipping Barbie

Pole Dancer Barbie

Naked Yoga Instructor Ken

Underage Porn Star Skipper

Roll Your Own Tampon Midge

One Day At A Time Sweet Jesus Barbie

Stroke Out Barbie

Driving My Hybrid Barbie Car Barbie

Stuck In a Dead End Clerical Job Barbie

Block Watch Vigilante Barbie

High As A Kite Ken

Mall Rat Barbie

Pushing Her Rage Down, Deep Down, Barbie

Nazi Memorabilia Collector Barbie

Repressing Her Needs Barbie

Don’t Want No Fucking Kids Near Me Barbie

Condo Association Chairwoman Barbie (Comes With Snitching Skipper and Henpecked Ken)

Never Misses American Idol Barbie

Wheelchair Trapped in a Woman’s Room Becky

Blissed Out on Model Glue Skipper

A Shark Ate Me Leg Aussie Blaine

Lesbian Awakenings Barbie

Klaus Barbie

Neck Tattoo Barbie

Fag Hag Barbie

Feeling Not So Fresh Barbie

Cruel Dragon Lady Miko

Barrista Barbie (Comes with Grande Double Esspresso Carmel Delight Communter Ken)

Lovin’ Hot Wings Barbie (Sold with NASCAR Whore Kelli)

Soccer Mom Barbie

My Looks Are Fading Barbie

Burning Bed Barbie

Roid Rage Blaine

Quick Lift Barbie

Does This Skirt Make My Ass Look Large Skipper

American Catholic Priestess Barbie

Mah Jong Playing Miko

Twitter Freak Barbie

Germ-a-phobe Ken

In Foreclosure Barbie

A Dingo Took My Baby Barbie

Kruat Hunter Barbie

Belle Barth Barbie

Wet Nurse Barbie

Scrap Booking With a Vengeance Barbie

Labia Bewjewelled Barbie

INFOMANIAC Mistress Barbie

LaLeche League Midge

Internet Porn Addicted Ken

Chinese Taking Over World Economy Barbie

That’s What I’m Saying Barbie

Golden Years Barbie Retirement Community and Lawn Bowling Set

Barbie's Dreamhouse in Foreclosure

Have I left any out?  What would you add?


  1. I'll be in line for
    naked yoga instructor ken.
    I've already made my own labia bejewelled barbie, however.

  2. What? No, I eat my feelings Barbie? or Truck stop glory hole Ken?

    *Folds arms, turns with a sniff and takes Barbie's home!

  3. Pirate, thats the point of the list. Take what you will and then make your own and stick it on your blog!

  4. I would have been content with the Fag Hag Barbie but imagine my thrill at seeing INFOMANIAC Mistress Barbie!

    Everybody knows that Truck stop glory hole Ken was modeled on AyeM8y.

  5. Sweatshop Seamstress Barbie

    Special 80's Mixmaster Rappin' Pop 'n Lock Barbie Bitch

    Missed Period Ken Won't Return My Calls Barbie

    Rich Bitch Barbie

    50th Anniversary Botox Barbie

  6. @mrpeenee - Not all of us have the luxury of opening up their linen closet to confer with their own personal Barbie friends about such matters....

    Unbelievably sexy jaded Barbie.

    Oh, Hai everybody..

  7. who could forget
    miss south dakota meth whore barbie