Saturday, July 3, 2010

You can't say I didn't try and help

So today the husband I drove past a 1966 Buick Sport Wagon that I am thinking of buying - its is so tres cool and its in better shape than the Studebaker - and then we decided to run by the Giant Eagle and pick up stuff for dinner.

Well we walk into Giant Eagle and a 20something woman who glides in, cuts in front of us and I admire her shape, which is fit, and her summer jersey dress in light grey and there, just south of where her bottom would sit, is a dark wet spot, about four inches around. 

So I do the gay chivlery thing and go up to her descretly and say, "I believe that you may wish to go to the ladies room - as there is something on the seat of your of your dress."  She looks at me, trys to look behind her (you know those human heads - unless you are posessed a 180 degree range of motion just isn't within your abilities, no matter how many hours you spend in a Yoga class) smiles at me and say thank you, and off she goes and continues shopping as I had just told her a ggreat big lie.

Well its a big store, and you can only help the stupid so much.  And we pass our friend Manager Dave who works there and manager Dave said "Did you see the..."  And I said "Yes, and I tried to tell her and ..."  "they never listen!" finished up Dave.

So I tried to do my good deed for the day.  Bitch can't say that someone didn't warn her!


  1. That is so nasty.

    "Oh excuse me but I think you just had an unplanned pregnancy over on aisle 12...I believe this baby belongs to you".

    What is wrong with people.

  2. that buick sounds fabulous!

    and as for miss thing, i applaud your courage. i don't think i'd tip off a stranger. i'd much prefer to snap a photo, then humiliate them by posting it on the internet!

    haven't you ever handed a tissue to someone you knew without saying a word, or maybe simply, "you could use this" and have them completely freak out?

  3. No, but I stopped helping the woman at work at my former employor by quietly telling them when they had a run in their hose because while I thought I was being helpful, they started saying shit like "I'm surprised Stu didn't tell you that you had a RUN in your hose." Fine. Be that way.

    But one day the woman who was the loudest at mocking me had her back dress hem trapped in her hose and came out of the ladies room and had he dress all up in the back. We are at a very toney hotel hosting a meeting and someone almost told her while we were standing at the registration table (she had her back to the wall) and I had to tell the other person to shut his mouth. "Trust me, you'll never hear the end of it - that is a woman with a mouth that drives men into the arms of other men."

    So she waddled about for a good half hour - with me almost smacking the hotel help (Don't say a word - she'll call immigration!) so they didn't say a word until she got up on the dias to make an introduction and the room started to buzz. Then she stepped off the dias and walked to the back of the room where one of the attendees told her what was going on (and up in the back.)

    She was dreadfully embarrassed, and she needed to be. "Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded. "Because you mocked me in front of everyone when I emntioned you had toilet paper on your heal, I wasn't real anxious to find out what you would do to me when I told you that your ass was uncovered for God and his creation to see."

    Fuck with me once, shame on you. Fuck with me twice, and you'll pay, Bitches!

  4. you did your civic duty. It's all you can do.

  5. But now I would love get my hands around the throat of those Japanese pornographers that keep trying to use my blogs to peddle their wares.

  6. Wait till they find out you're posting about Ladies flashing their fat cracks. Japanese ass porn will be all over you.

  7. Japanese Ass Porn is my middle name - seriously...