I wouldn't let this man use my toilet, let alone choose the material for my sofa covers slipcovers.
Well since Mr. Peenee opened the can of worms, here's my rant.
In our house, if my husband isn't watching cartoons and the SyFy channel, then we're watching HGTV because I love to hiss at Suzanne Wong and her stable of unstable house hunters.
So HGTV has started "Season 4" of its "Design Star" - the highly touted, but contrived reality TVesque design competition to find the network's next STAR personality. And they make into this HUGE production because not only (presumably) can the person decorate BUT they have enough star power to carry the weight of their own show. Yeah, thats it.
The first year an aging but vapid Circuit Boi named David won the contest and was awarded with his own "show" called "Color Splash" Because they weren't so sure it would work, they mated him to a female (a first for Missy Bromstad, I'm sure)"minder" who was his "co-designer". Missy proved himself to be a big old girl and devised "designs" that reminded me of a seventh grader arranging furniture for their home ec classes. With every room, he added a personal touch - his "color splash! - one of his own "matches the sofa" painted "art" on par with my next door neighbor's seven year old.
How did they reward him?
He got a second season, but without the woman.
The second year, the contest was won by a black woman (but not too black) who was bubbly and fun. She got her own series but she didn't do anything very memorable and "Myles of Style" faded into the "B" rotation on HGTV.
So far we have a gay guy, and a black woman. Do we see a pattern? Who do you think they picked for Season 3? White woman. Do we remember her name? Nope. Do we remember her show? Nope. So much for "star power".
Season 4 however gave us something totally different. The final show comes down to another hot party boi named Dan (who unlike Missy Bromstad had a killer smile and a killer 8-pack) and a straight male artist who went to great care to dress like a roady for a rock band that would play on a stage in a bar behind a wire mesh guards. His name was named Antonio. ANTONIO! "Ooh, ANTONIO!" Vern Yip gushed. "Oh, Antonio!" the two other judges said. Since they already had a gay winner, they gave it to Antonio. Antonio was edgy! Antonio understood the world of rock music, Harley's and edgy design. Good bye pretty boy.
ANTONIO! He ain't no sissy.
Then HGTV started the commercials that asked "Are you ready for the Antonio Treatment" shot with scenes with him high fiving the guys, sitting back with a guitar and his love of air brushed murals. And that edgy design? Well, to showcase that immediatly they ran a special where Antonio gave his own home the "Antonio Treatment" His bedroom featured white walls, a RED accent wall (featuring an air brushed painting of a virago) black leather and dark oak. And the crowning glory for his living room - which must have been inspired by Robin Williams and Nathan Lane's sanitized living room from The Birdcage - was a Spanish throne, placed at the end of a table better suited to a monastary than a dinner party. If you had a stoner brother who was a metal head (or knew someone who had a brother who was a metal head) then you know what the EDGY means. It had all the charm of a 1970s customized van, minus the shag walls.
Oddly, these were the same types of rooms that HGTV's stable of real estate professionals of shows like "Get It Sold" would walk into and say "Do college kids live here? This is not a room that buyers would feel comfortable with; YUCK!" Sabrina Soto would have a literal kniption!
For weeks, HGTV kept demanding of us: "Are Your Ready For the Antonio Treatment?" And for weeks, my husband and I said "nope" and mute the volume.
And then, nothing. Not a peep. Nada. Not even da nada. And the date of his shows premiere comes and goes and not-a-promotion. Nothing.
Now by the time Design Star rolls around for another season, the previous season winner is on the air. and doing fine and where is Antonio?
According to HGTV's web site - they are "looking for people who would like the Antonio Treatment."
I''m just wondering what they have done with Antonio.
And wondering who to thank.