Cookie does not have all the answers.
Cookie has opinions.
If you ask, I will give you an opinion. If you ask, you have an opinion that you need to take and think about.
Don't argue it.
If you don't want to follow it, then don't it's that simple. No harm, no foul.
But asking a professional opinion in which Cookie has education and experience is a different matter. If you ask and are given a reasonable answer, there you go: the advice you were given, consider it. If you don't follow that opinion and something goes wrong, don't come to Cookie "boo hoo'ing" about how something went wrong.
I mean I am willing to help, to a point. But if I tell you not to stick a metal knife into an outlet because you'll get shocked, don't do it and then come back on me after the squad resuscitates you for saying "give it try."
Because I am not a "give it a try" advice kind of guy.
Not on hair color, buying a vintage Pucci dress, or getting cats when you are allergic to them.
And as an adult, don't we all owe it to what should be our innate sense of common sense to think before we act? I mean some people can't help themselves. "Should I jump off the cliff?" will always get a "No, don't do it."
That "No" should be my, y'all, and all y'all's indication to STOP and think about this before acting.
"Should I stick my little finger in the pencil sharpener?"
NO!
"Should I marry Jack, even though he's been married six times before?"
NO!
"Should I paint my house lavender even though the owners association says I can't?"
NO!
"Should I try heroin?"
Oh, fuck NO!
See how easy that is?
But it seems like an awful lot of people ask these questions "Should I..." or "You know, now that we can..." don't want advice. They want you to validate their cockamamy ideas. And if you won't they want to argue it.
Case in point, a friend who has made a series of bad financial decisions came to Cookie with a proposition.
"Now that we are old enough to access our retirement funds, should I drain the accounts and pay off my house?"
Cookie's response was "No. I wouldn't do that until you speak to a professional in the money management field."
"But that costs money," they respond.
And that is my (and yours, as well,) cue that what this person wants, isn't logical advice, they want VALIDATION of their plan. They want you to see the genius of their idea, even when it isn't.
Here's the thing, past behavior is a pretty good indicator of future behaviors. Be it the President or a friend that you have known for decades. If they have developed a life pattern of making bad calls, it's an uphill battle to save them from themselves.
It's easy to give advice, but many people don't want it. They want VALIDATION, and that means they want reassurance, even when you know that they will hurt themselves.
The best course of action is to give, sound logical, fact-based advice, and then not argue it. Because once they start arguing it, they are going to do what they are going to do. And you are in a no-win situation.
hell, I wouldn't waste my time on answering idiots in the first place. you're wasting your breath and the idiot doesn't hear you.
ReplyDeleteMy fear is that in ten years, I will hear this person bemoaning their lack of savings. That seems to be their lot in life - marry in haste, repent in leisure, you know?
DeleteI think nearly everyone who asks me my opinion just wants me to agree with them, or if they do seriously want my advice they won't take it, but seek advice somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteA good way to look at it.
DeleteEven worse is when they ask your advice (especially professionally), ignore it, things go wrong, but then they still blame you.
ReplyDelete--Jim
This happened with my "hag". She bought a house and wanted to paint it. The house was horrible light peach with blue trim. So she picks pale yellow, two "accent colors" that were both the saturation (intensity) and next to one and other on the color wheel, a deep blue and deep green. She asked what I thought and I told her that was a bad idea and suggested she stay away from the yellow (it fades on a house) blue and go with a body color, medium and dark (sparingly). So what did she do? She went with her original colors and calls me up, crying because she comes home from work and the house looks horrible. I get off work and go over there and "terrible"? Not harsh enough. She asks what I think, and I told her that I advised her the colors wouldn't work and they don't. Her response? "That's not very supportive," and "You just wanted the colors you like." No, I wanted her to pick a body color, a MEDIUM color and then an accent color. What she did was what she was going to do all along.
DeleteAFTER THAT, she wanted me to go with her when she bought two new oriental rugs (real ($$$$) rugs, not the knock offs) from a respected dealer. I was NOT getting involved with that. What did she pick? $15,000 dollars for 2 rugs that looked Home Depot $99 specials.
Needless to say, we haven't spoken in over 15 years.
Most people lack even the most basic common sense. I despair sometimes. Jx
ReplyDeleteYou know, it used to be manners, but I fear this lack of common sense. Because when it fails, they don't learn their lesson, do they. Not a question.
DeletePast Behavior is indeed a pretty good indicator of Future Behavior... the President being a shining example of a series of Bad Decisions and I do find that his rabid Cult of Personality Devotees seem to want Validation that they didn't vote in the Village Idiot and will defend him as if they're defending their own lives! Like you, I'll give an Opinion and tell people that if they want Professional Advice, they can hire someone for that Service... but in the end, they'll do what they intend to do anyway, regardless, in most cases.
ReplyDelete