Happy March and Pass the Ten-B-Low!

What better way to celebrate March then a look back at one of the unsuccessful products from a  Corporate Kitchen!

Ten-B-Low was a product of Borden, back when they were a milk company and not a Chemical GIANT.  The idea was that instead of junket, the milk, the egg yolks and the angst for that housewife who is simply over it,  they would dehydrate it, dump it all into one can and call it Ten-B-Low. 

And it would be simple, just add the wet stuff, throw it in the freeze and stir the crap periodically.

And just look - LOOK -at the results!

Can you see the happy face?

I bet that tastes as green as it looks.   Get ready to be disappointed: it's plain old vanilla, but LURID Green in color.

And who doesn't love frozen gumdrops to make festive shamrocks?

Never mind that making Ice Cream in the summer is one of mother's little ideas to have the kids work off that kid-energy.  Every kid back then wanted to crank those old bastard machines.  Every kid wanted to know why you added salt to the ice, too.

Someone in the marketing department must have been grasping at straws because as this add shows us, Ten-B-Low made for great goop.

"We can convince housewives that serving melted ice cream is a thing.  Better than a thing, but a NEW THING," an inspired Marty told his co-worker Morty.

"And better than that, we can convince them that no one will question that their icebox is on the fritz," said Morty.

And what hostess wouldn't care that her guests were afraid that her icebox wasn't working?

Things must have become dire when this ad came out:

Sort of like the scene in Chinatown Jake Gettis demands that Mrs. Evelyn Mulray tell the truth about who the girl is, but insert Ten-B-Low.  You know:

"It's an Ice Cream." SLAP

"It's a Cookie Mix." SLAP

"It's an Ice Cream. It's a Cookie Mix. It's an Ice Cream. It's a Cookie Mix. ...." says Mrs. Mulwray between being slapped.

"I want the truth!"

"It's an Ice Cream and it's a Cookie Mix.  It's both," she sobs.

Jake Gittes is disgusted.  "That can't be."

"I know that's counterintuitive, but its the dessert mix that swings on both sides of thermodynamic ranges," says Evelyn, relieved that her secret is finally out.

And, as an added bonus, you can build a toasted coconut mound that looks like an insect egg sack.

Eventually, Ten-B-Low was consigned to the dustbin of history. 

But we have a consolation: Shamrock Shakes, folks.

Sometimes, you gotta take what life gives you and be happy with that, if you don't have the gift gab or are not old enough for a green beer.