Well, what does he want in a woman?

Cookie knows what Liberace doesn't want in a woman.  I suppose if you think about it for a minute, that is as plain as the nose on Liberace's face.

Cookie wants to know what you think.  What does Liberace want in a woman?

Hanging In There: We have no other alternative

Lovina and Lars and her dog Thor remind you - Hang in there baby. 

With all this social distancing, I have forgotten why we keep the plastic wraps on the lampshade. 

Oh, yeah, so we can have nice things.

TODAY, the guy across the street, a lovable puppy-like guy decided to burn brush in his front yard.  So he got out his fire pit and lit the brush on fire. 

Within ten minutes, Baltimore's FD was in the neighborhood, admonishing him and his wife.  Evidently, a neighbor called the fire department on him.

The fire department then informed the neighborhood that no, you cannot use a fire pit in the city fo Baltimore, even with the screen cover on.

Well, damn it.  There goes all the fun in the fall months.

That's all in the future if we can still have one. 

We have to plan on it, there is no other option.

We're all in this blah, blah, blah

What would Diane Fürstenberg do? More importantly, what is she doing right now?

Well, here we are where we never planned to be.   You are living your life and then one day, BOOM, you're in house arrest.  No, no, not that kind of house arrest, but Sheltering in Place. 

So we, like you, are doing what we can do to be compliant with rules for the new plague.  A trip out of solitary is for necessary things, only.  No nightclubbing, and alas, gayety is in short supply.

We all have to do our part.  I tell myself all the time. 

It could be far worse.  I could have been a member of the White House Press Corps, trapped in a room with the Mouth Breather in Chief.

Meanwhile, the husband is working from home for the next eight weeks.

That's eight weeks.  Count them:

Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week 5
Week 6
Week 7
Week 8

That's MAY!

I love having him around, but Cookie needs alone time.

The dogs have been promoted to co-workers.

Rocky is in his bed cubicle licking himself.  I will have to write him up.

Kevin is on guard in the solarium reporting, in dog speak, in on every dog walking by the house.

We were planning an office banquet tonight, but alas, the roast is as frozen as a concrete block in winter, so it will have to thaw in the fridge overnight. Plaques and awards will be given out.

And our BIG plans for this weekend?  Cleaning the basement.  Yes, I know it sounds rash, but that's us - madcap.

Hang in their folks.  After that presser today when the occupant of the Oval Office went ape shit at NBC's Peter Jackson, it's going to be a long, long, long couple of weeks ahead of us.

Remember people: A normal person knows a question is a question.  A psychotic adult sees questions as assaults on their character and they attack any threat, which is everything.  

Cookie

COVID19 Alert: There are plenty of these to go around.

Do not panic.

Grocery stores have plenty of circus peanuts.  For everyone.

Unfortunately.

It's the one food that stores can't give away.

No need to hoard.

Unfortunately.

A Delicate Balancing Act: When shopping becomes hoarding

So we all know what's going on in the world.

But what gets me is the hoarding at the grocery.

Folks, it is a delicate balancing act.  Buy what you need, leave what you don't.

I mean we have all been to buffet's at functions where people overload the plate with things they want, and they end throwing perfectly good food because their eyes were bigger than their stomachs.

If you don't eat canned hash, don't buy it.  If you eat tuna, buy what you need for the week and leave the six week supply behind.

If you don't have cats, leave the cat food behind.

We need level heads, common sense and not greed.

So look at the cart in front of you and ask yourself: "Do I need this."  If you don't take it to a store employee so they can wipe your germs off and then put it back where it needs to go.   If you are buying things that you would otherwise not buy or use, then your problem becomes a problem for others.

Hoarding doesn't give you a sound basis for happiness or well being.  It is literally the embodiment of selfishness.

Don't run up credit cards to buy crap you will not eat, and most likely throw away when this ends.

So let me state this once more, buy what you NEED and nothing more. 

Cookie is telling you, don't be that guy, that woman, that everyone hates.

Happy March and Pass the Ten-B-Low!

What better way to celebrate March then a look back at one of the unsuccessful products from a  Corporate Kitchen!

Ten-B-Low was a product of Borden, back when they were a milk company and not a Chemical GIANT.  The idea was that instead of junket, the milk, the egg yolks and the angst for that housewife who is simply over it,  they would dehydrate it, dump it all into one can and call it Ten-B-Low. 

And it would be simple, just add the wet stuff, throw it in the freeze and stir the crap periodically.

And just look - LOOK -at the results!

Can you see the happy face?

I bet that tastes as green as it looks.   Get ready to be disappointed: it's plain old vanilla, but LURID Green in color.

And who doesn't love frozen gumdrops to make festive shamrocks?

Never mind that making Ice Cream in the summer is one of mother's little ideas to have the kids work off that kid-energy.  Every kid back then wanted to crank those old bastard machines.  Every kid wanted to know why you added salt to the ice, too.

Someone in the marketing department must have been grasping at straws because as this add shows us, Ten-B-Low made for great goop.

"We can convince housewives that serving melted ice cream is a thing.  Better than a thing, but a NEW THING," an inspired Marty told his co-worker Morty.

"And better than that, we can convince them that no one will question that their icebox is on the fritz," said Morty.

And what hostess wouldn't care that her guests were afraid that her icebox wasn't working?

Things must have become dire when this ad came out:

Sort of like the scene in Chinatown Jake Gettis demands that Mrs. Evelyn Mulray tell the truth about who the girl is, but insert Ten-B-Low.  You know:

"It's an Ice Cream." SLAP

"It's a Cookie Mix." SLAP

"It's an Ice Cream. It's a Cookie Mix. It's an Ice Cream. It's a Cookie Mix. ...." says Mrs. Mulwray between being slapped.

"I want the truth!"

"It's an Ice Cream and it's a Cookie Mix.  It's both," she sobs.

Jake Gittes is disgusted.  "That can't be."

"I know that's counterintuitive, but its the dessert mix that swings on both sides of thermodynamic ranges," says Evelyn, relieved that her secret is finally out.

And, as an added bonus, you can build a toasted coconut mound that looks like an insect egg sack.

Eventually, Ten-B-Low was consigned to the dustbin of history. 

But we have a consolation: Shamrock Shakes, folks.

Sometimes, you gotta take what life gives you and be happy with that, if you don't have the gift gab or are not old enough for a green beer.