ITEM: It is hot as FUCK today in Bawlimore. In the sun it feels dreadfully intense and hot. Two weeks ago, it was cold as fuck. But the thermometer to left says 111°; weather(dot)com says 92.
ITEM: Houses have been coming on the market in the hood, and they are in contract before the Brokers Open. Which is strange and weird because they are going into bidding war scenarios, and this Baltimore, not some town in Silicon Valley.
ITEM: One house isn't selling. It's overpriced and needs a lot of work. Take the hint, you don't move property based on statements like "We got most of the rats out of the garage," savvy?
ITEM: The hardware store down the street SUCKS.
ITEM: Enquiring minds want to know if this Saturday is a washout for the community yard sale? And if so, is Sunday going to be any better?
ITEM: I can't stand that one cashier at the grocery store. Which one? The one who sounds like an uneducated Edith Bunker is LOUD when you go through her line.
ITEM: To the woman who smokes cigarettes and throws them half smoked into the local playground, Crossing Guard Mary's got your number, Sweetheart.
ITEM: Cookie sees impossible options and no-win scenarios in the month of June when The Middle fades into its final season of reruns. What if Sue doesn't get the guy?
ITEM: The new Roseanne show is not a normalization of Drumphs America. It's actually a pretty damn accurate account of family life in West Virginia.
ITEM: Who is that black child, Mary, on Roseanne? Yes, we know its a TV grandchild, but why hasn't her story been explored?
ITEM: A neighbor reported that her purse, laptop, and cell phone were stolen from her locked (wink, wink) car in her driveway the other night. I think someone either doesn't have a lick of common sense or wanted that crap stolen so they could get new stuff courtesy of the insurance company.
ITEM: To the salesperson at the cookware store, yes, I understand that leCruiset doesn't go on sale often, but when I want a 5qt flame orange dutch oven that you have to special order, I do not want a red dutch oven shaped like a heart because you have it at 30% off. No matter what the markdown is, it's not my style and not worth it.
Blind Item: You know who you are and we saw what you did. Pervert.
philly is as hot as bawlmer - 92F. water ice (italian ice) time.
ReplyDelete"we got most of the rats out of the garage" - GREAT selling point there! bwhahahahahaha! sign me up for THAT - said no one ever!
In realtor speak, it would be "Comes with livestock."
Delete"Comes with livestock"!
ReplyDeleteI can hear a realtor saying that!
Realtors will say anything to sell a house. They'd ice a cake with cow manure and say that frosting had "earthy, mellow tones".
DeleteIt's pleasantly Spring-like here in London... Our gossip's not as good, either. Jx
ReplyDeletePrince Harry gave up smokes. I hate Miss Markle. She's going to get a steady stuffing of thta magnificent cock of his. Lucky bitch.
DeleteGinger babies, though. Jx
DeleteCookie! How did you know? I am so embarrassed! I just might die of the vapors!
ReplyDelete#IAmGladysKravitz
DeleteI wonder the same thing about Sue.
ReplyDeleteI think she is going to get him. Have you noticed that his mother and Sue are so much alike?
DeleteShawn's so cute.
DeleteHow ever did you get this far in life without the 5qt flame dutch oven? People are going to talk (just what sort of establishment is Cookie running up there)! As one of Nature's Bachelors, I had to purchase my own. I considered it an extraordinary extravagance at the time, but many stews, braises and pots of soup later, I must admit, I was wrong. It is a good tool to have.
ReplyDeleteI have been using my late mothers 60 year old "Magnalite" dutch oven. It was wonderful, but aluminum cookware concerns me and it was time to retire the old girl as she was beginning to pit. The cookware, not my mother. But I am in LOVE with the leCruiset in FLAME! Magnifique!
DeleteLate to this party (so what else is new?), but although we stopped watching The Middle when we came back stateside, in my heart of hearts I always hoped Sue would escape to either the East or West Coast and become impossibly sophisticated. It was a surprisingly good show, in its way...
ReplyDeleteShe is going to score Sean. How do I know? Sean's mother is a very plump Sue. You always marry your mother. Even when he is a man.
Delete