Saturday, January 15, 2011

Dirty linen

Well, yesterday I got my call from AOL and they provided me access with Mom's email account with a temporary password.

And what did I find?

I hate to disappoint each of you but there was nothing juicy, no secrets, not even a link to hidden bank accounts tucked away in the Grand Cayman Islands.

Mostly there was a lot of junk.  Mom's computer skills were pretty basic, so the idea of setting SPAM filtering was beyond her comprehension, so ALL of the crap was in her main mailbox.

Once I cut through the ads for her to enlarge a penis she was never born with, and the ads for enlarging her breasts that she never felt were anything but perfectly formed, and all of the emails from Nigerian officials trying to curry her favor by calling her "Dear One!" and speaking to her in the most sickeningly written prose ever considered, there really was much but emails from her bridge pals.

HOWEVER we did find out who the source of some disturbing emails that Mom forwarded us thinking that they were true.  At one point when she was sick, Mom was forwarding through emails from birthers and conservative nut jobs that were dripping in cloaked racism, IF you took the time to read them all the way through and click on the links embedded in the text.

As I said, Mom's computer skills were limited, so links embedded in the text of an email to my mother were only words in color with an under-line for emphasis. She never knew that they were links to Glen Beck, the American Family Council and America's most disturbed political writer, the shrill, and easily excitable Michelle Malkin.

The other thing that these emails had were statements like "This is true and has been verified by SNOPES.COM!  CHECK FOR YOUR SELF!"  If you followed the link to the article cited, indeed you would find an article on SNOPES.COM, but the article usually refuted the outrageous claims of the email body.  Still for the simple, the elderly and the easily led, links like this merely appear to be validation to suck outrageous claims that Barrack Obama's mother and father plotted to have their baby born in Africa so he could run for President in 48 years, and convert the nation to Islam.

Now that is what I call family planning!

The most disturbing email found was one sent after Mom died with the headline "The Homosexual Behind Obamacare!"  The crux of that email is that "The Homosexual" (evidently there is only one of us) "voted for President B. Hussein Obama so that Obama would hoodwink Republicans into supporting Nationalized Healthcare," (yes that is the name, in the past tense, of the plan's name)  so that they (the homosexuals) could go start "lust-fueled orgies" and infect each other with AIDS knowing that they could spent their dying days living in luxury without any worries of the price of their sinful ways.

You can't make this shit up.

Turns out that the unbalanced person sending this crap out was a niece related via marriage.  She was at the funeral, although none of us had any idea what darkness dwelt in her heart.  Had I known I would have taken great pleasure at kicking her boney ass out the front door.

Ironically, this is the same woman who my mother used say had the whitest sheets on her guest beds at her vacation home.  Now I know that this woman wanted to live in a world that was "pure" white.

And, ironically, these emails were so "not my mother."  But the one does strange things if you're all doped up on Percosets and other narcotics to cut the pain of the cancer eating away at your mind. 

But back to Mom.  So today I sent all of the organizations that have her on their email address lists and asked that they remove her address from future mailings, and I closed Mom's account.

I also sent this unbalanced hate monger a very carefully worded email, thanking her for keeping Mom in her thoughts. While I thought reading her the riot act, it really didn't make sense.  People who are her kind of crazy don't care about facts, they exist to have their fears validated.  But I was very careful not to send that from my email, but instead through Mom's account.  So this week coming, when Adolph Hitlerette sends out her weekly poisoned apple of lies, Mom's provider will send it right back her with the message that they account is closed, no body there.


  1. Cookie,
    I'm sorry for your loss, I do understand, I took care of both my mom & dad years ago over on Black road in Richfield, by where the Coloseum used to be.. (been wanting to do the Ohio connection with you for a while)...
    But tonight I just wanted to say: GOOD FOR YOU!
    You were very classy in your rebuke, I am sure. Class is something I find really confuses people of her ilk.
    And I was already thinking of Alan Turing before you mentioned the poison apple; I mean, why are these people using homosexual technology anyway???


  2. Good for you for taking the high road. Of course I had already envisioned your signoff with "Signed, the OTHER homosexual," but that's just me.
    My aunt who sends me color coded emails about Mexicans taking jobs away (she's in MA - not a Mexican for miles) recently found my dog's facebook page. I wonder if she will start sending him hate mail now.

  3. Hmmm.

    Why bother asking them to remove your mom from their mailing list if you deleted her account in the end anyway?


  4. You should have Kept the account open. Then you could send messages from your mom to the hate monger and make her DO things.

  5. I think I did it because because I hate getting that "return daemon - address does not exist" message. And for the people who are our real family and friends it was a gentle reminder to do so.

    And, for as much as I dislike the fascist relative, my mother did like her and she helped mom out once is a HUGE fashion that I can't share on the blog.

    Mom always taught me - "be good to the people you meet on the way up, because you will surely meet them on the way down."

  6. And this is exactly why you will be the only Mean Dirty Pirate that I could ever want!