Thursday, October 3, 2013

Well, this sucks: I've got a cold in my toes

I felt great on Tuesday.  Out and about doing errands, then putting in an entire day at Mr. Peenee's project house.  Came home, we ate a great dinner of THE Brisket, a fitting tribute since Tuesday would have been her 89th birthday, got some work done, and into bed I went.

Slept like a log until 4AM when I woke up with a bad sore throat.  And in my half sleepiness, I went right back to sleep until 6:30, which is when I get up on the weekdays.

In those two and a half hours my throat felt like it had razor blades in it, and my head hurt AND my nose was running in a constant flow of snot.  So I stood up, first mistake of the day, and almost fell over.  What the fuck?

The husband saw me and asked if I had a dream in which I was run over by a truck, because it looked like I had been run over (ha, hah) and I started blowing my nose.

And the crap, which was clear, would not stop running out of my nose.  In fact, I went through a full box of Kleenex by noon.

So I willed myself to get in the car and drive to the nearest health food store where I got a bottle of Thayer's Slippery Elm Bark lozenges, because they are the only thing to relieve the pain of a sore throat (seriously, if you have never had these, go get them NOW.  They make your throat feel wonderful without numbing your mouth. I also picked up a box of Coldcalm to help with the runny nose.  By late afternoon I was feeling a bit better.

I have since spoken with a couple neighbors who have said "It's going around," thus confirming that it finally got to me.

Well, now my snot is the color of butter.  Yay!  I'm brewing up a batch of lung butter!

Grandma, my mother's mother, used to say that a cold that comes on fast and strong can leave just as quick.  She said that cold has three places to visit, namely your throat, your head and your chest.  Yesterday was the sore throat, now its mostly gone.  And my head is blocked up, so this shit should move to my chest tomorrow.

And this is the tricky part, because as we know, when it gets to your chest, that's when the two weeks of coughing start.

I'm afraid of products containing acetaminophen because of the liver damage (seriously folk, that shit can kill you), so Nyquil is not an option at all.

So I found Grandma's cookbook, the one that isn't arranged in any fashion, and I found her cough remedies:

Option one, the Turpentine Stupe - "soak a flannel cloth in near boiling water for five minutes.  Wring out as much water as possible.  Dip the cloth in a bowl of turpentine, and then quickly apply this to the chest.  Leave on for five minutes.  Then wash."  Now that's a nonstarter.  And why five minutes in the hot water?  Why not ten or twenty minutes?  I guess the washing helps to remove the layer of skin that turpentine loosened.

Option two, the Vicks treatment - "Before bed, coat the undersides of the bare feet with Vicks Vapo-Rub.  Put on heavy socks and spend the night in bed with the socks on."  Now this I have done and it WORKS.  No idea why.  But no coughing.

Option three, and I kid you not, "As pharmacist for cough syrup with codeine.  Take as labeled."

Now, grandma has been dead for 40 years, and somethings have changed in the world. Since options one and three are out of the question, then its to number two we go.  Problem is the dogs won't come near me when I've been mentholated.

Hope you weekend will be more fun that mine.  Keep away from that turpentine stupe - sounds dreadful.


  1. Oh yeah the wonderful smell of Vicks Vapo Rub, suddenly I'm 5 years old with my Grandmother coating both my feet, and the underneath of my nose with the stuff. And it did make me feel better, and of course the pampering was terrific. Loads of cups of hot sweet tea and stacks of hot buttered toast....yummmmm

    1. Hot, perfectly browned toast with butter, mmmmmmmmmmm.....

  2. Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear you're poorly. And I am one with your grandmother on codeine cough syrup. It works great, honest.

  3. Heinz Vegetable Soup. Works every time... Jx

  4. We've just recently had an outbreak at Castlette DeVice. It sounds like the same thing as it was all over with in 2 or 3 days. The sore throat was the worst bit, though.
    I hope you're feeling much better now (lung butter and all).

    1. Bless you! Actually, I am feeling much better, but my lungs are still very sore. Seeing the doctor on Tuesday for a blood pressure review, so I think zooms to the top of the list.