Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Get off one couch, get on another couch

Longtime readers of this blog know that I have a bit of crazy in me, part nature and part nurture.  Unresolved issues, sexual abuse as a child and of course the three months of the year that I am rendered useless by SADD.

THANKFULLY, I have worked hard in therapy, which is the only way therapy works, coordinated my care through my doctor and the shrink, and for the most part, I function far better and I am better today than I did in my 20s.

When we moved east, I left my shrink, who I had been seeing a couple times a year, behind.  It isn't like you can put them in a box and keep them under the bed when you move.   So when I got here, the first priority was a medical doctor, followed by a shrink.  I found the doctor that I liked, and asked if he could refer me to a shrink.

He did, and I went.

I wasn't totally comfortable with the shrink though.  While totally qualified, there were some things - were off between us.   I couldn't put my finger on it, until last week.

I discovered that the shrink is in a long, long term relationship with the medical doctor, and neither told of me of this. And frankly, I really felt betrayed.

I shared this with a couple friends from around the country, keeping all things confidential, and they too were a little unnerved.

NOW, that said, I spoke with the husband as well, he too was "creeped" out by it.

So yesterday I had a follow up with the GP, and I brought it up and we talked with about it.  He apologized for not disclosing it and as he said, that our first visit had been a long and involved one and we talked about a lot of stuff, and he was focused on my medical care.  He said that the practices are separate and that neither talks off sheet about patients, and that he 99% of the times lets his clients know.  Watching his body language and tone voice, I could see he was sincere.

So that was one half of the equation.

This morning I called the shrink (because if I would have seen him face to face then he would have billed me)  and we talked.  I explained that my main issue was that he didn't say anything in the past month of seeing him weekly, and I explained how I was informed of the situation. I also said that since therapy is primarily about me, and since part of the issue of trust is about relationships, I felt a bit creeped out by this.  He listened, said he understood and did I need a referral.   But there was no apology for the nondisclosure aspect.

The GP deals with my body, and he's good.  To me he should have disclosed at the time of the referral.

But a shrink is my mind and a different type of trust relationship.  He should have disclosed this.  And he didn't.  Instead he remarked that "Dr. Soandso is a very good physician" and "you'll receive excellent care" with him as if he were someone that he saw at conferences, or lived down the street.  But no disclosure, no indication of a relationship.

So later this morning we start anew with another therapist, who comes highly recommended, from another shrink, who I know here on a social basis.

I bear no ill will towards the former shrink, and I am sure that he is wonderful at what he does.  And I gave him a few sessions with me but that inner voice wasn't comfortable.  I should have listened to it.

So it is off one couch, and on to another.


  1. Dispite assurances to the contrary there is always pillow talk going on in such arrangements. Good call in changing shrinks. and well done on listening to your inner voice and overting your concerns. Referral to ones "partner" seems professionally and morally wrong to me particularly when dealing with issues of trust.

  2. Pillow talk or no pillow talk, this was a real breach of trust. You are so right to move on and find someone more honest. Therapy is a huge investment in every way-- time, work and money-- and you deserve to work with someone who will make it worth your while.

  3. And they call themselves professionals?