Sunday, April 23, 2017
Oh Cannibal, My Cannibal
So you know with the advent of smart phones, everything has changed?
In the good old days if you were with someone who was a bit of a wolf, their eyes would drift and oogle a dame, or a broad? And I don't mean someone with a peerage, or someone that is as wide as they are tall.
Even I, Cookie, appreciates a handsome guy and in my mind image him throwing himself at me, for a second, but that's the "Walter Mitty" in me.
Well, being a bit slow to notice, I have just witness the creepiest thing yet, more creepy than Donald Trump kissing a strangers baby.
People who use their phones to stalk other people and take candids of them to leer over.
I know, it's been going on for a while, but I probably turned a blind eye to people doing it until I had to have lunch with son of friend who did it in front of me.
Now said son is older than I am - his mother, my friend, is 95. Sonny boy is 60+ going on 12.
We get seated, the server takes our drink order - water for me, scotch for him, and he spots a woman and young guy - under 20. I figure its just mother and son out for lunch.
Sonny boy sees something different, a target for his "newest obsession" - he's filming the guy. Now the target of Sonny boy's is well over 18. But still, Sonny boy was really overt.
"Isn't he delicious," and smacks his lips.
"What are you doing," says I, shocked by what I think he's doing.
"Oh, just want to add him to my gallery of future husband's." Then he shows me on the phone - he has galleries of these guys.
"That's kind of creepy, Sonny," I point out.
"Oh, it's not hurting anyone. You need to loosen up. Look at this hottie - yummeee! Don't you think that other's do it to us?"
Now I am old enough to remember the women in the diet Coke commercial oogling a guy named Lucky for his yummy body. And yes, that was objectification.
And no - no one is objectifying this 1962 model man. And it makes me ill to think that anyone would be objectifying Sonny, unless it was a cannibal looking for his next meal.
But this was kind of sick. His reasoning was kind of sick.
Turns out, this is now a sport for some people.
I ordered salad and having no way to get out of this lunch now that it had started, and ordered a salad and prayed that the prey and his mother would leave soon, which they did in 15 minutes, I was trapped.
After they left, Sonny boy returned to his same lurpy self.
"He's so alone," said said his mother Reva. And he'll only be in town a day or two. Can't you take him to lunch?"
Yeah - now I know why Sonny boy is alone: Sonny is a pervert. Sonny is the type of guy who sees nothing wrong in this creeping behavior.
The whole thing made me feel dirty. Remember, I'm the guy who looked at Chatterbate and found it sad. I wanted to help these people with their sets, lighting and production values.
"No, no, no RandyRandy123, you just can't sit there looking bored and expect people to start throwing tokens your way..."
"RandyRoughGuy, I love the leather, love the big fatty cigar, but it conflicts with the lacy curtains and the six cats parading through the room. And can we either close the curtians or move your crystal animal collection to the other room?"
"Now, now, SitOnMyFace69. We need for you the sun to be coming in the window to be behind the camera and move you over here so the sun is on you. Now that I see you in the light, I think we need to go back to the old set up and make you mysterious..."
Sonny and I finished up lunch, he paid - put it on his expense account. That made me feel even dirtier, then said "If you're even in DesMoines, let me know. The men are all corn fed and delicious."
Oh cannibal, my cannibal, find Sonny and eat him. Drive the devil from this earth.
Not that I am pure as the driven snow.
The slush, sure.
But the snow? Nah.