Wednesday, December 7, 2022

The pre-Christmas rant


Time for Cookie's pre-Christmas rant.   So take heed.

1) One of Cookie's most hated seasonal songs is the Little Drummer Boy, which can suck the happiness out of any room. So Cookie has joined the Little Drummer Boy Challenge.  It's easy - you are a winner as long as you don't hear anything from that song. The song, lyrics, melody, etc. when you are listing to playlists, grocery store muzak, waiting room muzak, NPR, the Robert Shaw Chorale, ringtones, anything.  So far, so good.  And the husband who loves all kinds of music has been placed on notice to void that song from any playlists he might listen to protect my ears. 

2) People in Baltimore with cars in parking lots.  Good Lord in heaven above, but every time I pull into a parking lot - be it the grocery, target, the little market down the hill, etc., and so on, I swear that Jesus is testing me.  Evidently, the rules of safe driving are off the table as people shut off every sense that there is anyone around them and pull some of the most dangerous and stupid things.  

Like today, the woman who pulled into the market lot about ten minutes from our home and just stopped her car to check her texts blocking the entrance.  There were no cars in front of her, but she blocked the whole parking lot entrance.  Cookie was trying to make a left into the parking lot, which is on a busy road, but it was the people trying to make the right that lost it.  And what did the driver do? She stuck out her hand as if to wave people around her.  One driver tried that and what did the driver of the car blocking the lot do, she started moving forward and CRUNCH hit the car she just waved around her.  Cookie said "hell with this" and went to the veddy veddy upper crust market in Ruxton instead. 

3) Rude people at parties.  These are the people who act like assholes without the benefit of being drunk.  But put a Christmas Sweater on Dale from one block over and he becomes Super Dick, and not the kind you like to look back on with misty memories.  

4) The twenty-dollar Big Mac meal.  I can't eat them, but for the love of God, twenty dollars for a Big Mac, fries, and a soda, indifferently bagged by a person making $20/hr.?  This comes from my friend Dee Dee who nearly choked when she got the receipt at the drive-through in California.  "Christ, I can make four quarter pound sirloin burgers for $8.99, add in the buns, and tater tots, and you are feeding FOUR people."  Convenience, what can I say.   

5) 49% of voters in Georgia.  For Christ's sake people, Walker couldn't finish a goddamn sentence without sounding like a moron, is evidently cheating on his property taxes, is against abortions for others (but its OK for his girlfriends) and doesn't know how many children he has, and yet as of today, 49% of voters across Georgia voted for him.  WTF.  Anyhow, Warnock won.  Thank you 51%.

6) Cable TV.  This is a perennial complaint.  Comcast sucks.  Day in and day out. 

7) And Finally That Guy in Florida who stole top-secret papers from the White House, and has had his lawyers TWICE state that these were all the documents he had, until today when his lawyers announced that they had found a third collection in a padlock-secured storage unit.  

Do we really think that this is the end?  Nope.  Dig Up Ivana and what is in that casket!!!


  1. I didn't know more stolen documents were "discovered." Lord, help us. I wonder how much other stuff the idiot has hidden. I don't understand the people who voted for Walker, but MTG is from Georgia and they seem to like her. It's a good thing Warnock won, but how could it be so close?


  2. I like Linda Eder's version ....
    I don't eat fast food so I saved myself 20 bucks!
    I think 49% of Georgia voters just checked the 'R' without operating a single brain cell.
    Thing 45 and his legal team are morons.,

  3. 1. SO many xmas songs in the mix: let's start with Paul McCartney or Billy Squire. And while I agree with you LDB is a horrible song, seek out Grace Jones doing it on 'Pee Wee's Christmas Special', it's 60 seconds tops. And it's Grace Jones.

    2. The BLOTUS documents? Searched properties by HIS OWN TEAM (not the FBI or DOJ). Why the fuck are they still there 14 mos later? At least go to Staples and get a cross-cut shredder. BTW.....these are the same folks who voted for Walker.

    1. I'm with Blobby on this one. Grace Jones does the best and, in fact, the ONLY "Little Drummer Boy" worth mentioning.

      I agree with Blobby and Jon that Sir Paul can feck off.

  4. Oh, dear. I've failed the Little Drummer Boy challenge already - the David Bowie-Bing Crosby version was playing in our local "Shopping City" yesterday. Jx

    PS tbh, like Blobby said, it's not the worst - that Mariah-fucking-Carey thing is on my "most loathed list", alongside aforesaid Paul McCartney, plus Cliff Richard, Shakin' Stevens, The Wombles and Bruce Springsteen (to name but a few)

  5. Love your rant. Have already listened to Dumber Boy... several times. Dumb, they call this... par rumpa pum pum. Personally, I only listen to Vince Guaraldi this time of year. Never tire of it. It's so bittersweet. Kizzes.

  6. Hear ye, Hear ye!!

    All the above!!

    I have stopped dead in my tracks when someone in front of me just decides to pause without realizing they are in the thoroughfare and folks are trying to move along. Step aside dumb bat.

    Walker's results, and others, have surprised me. I am pissed the results are close. Folks seem to turn off logic, compassion when it comes to hate.

    Have not heard the Drummer Boy YET!!

    Joyous season to you and yours-REALLY!!

  7. Ah, yes, failed already for the same reason as Jon: The Little Drummer Boy. But only because I actually like The Dandy Warhols version which plays in the last episode of Teachers as Bob makes his way to school on a runaway float to marry his Thai bride, Ping. Hilarious!

    I hope you can manage to avoid/block out the other things on your rant list, Cookie.

  8. Great Rant, I think I am in complete Agreement.