Thursday, April 8, 2021

The one where Clyde broke his penis, and breaks it to us

Yes, the password was "cringe."

Many years ago we were part of a bowling league and one of the men we bowled with became our third on a team.  He was very nice, very well-spoken, dressed impeccably, a total top, and his hormones were in a constant state of full-on sexual arousal. 

Cookie is convinced that Clyde was born with a hardon and ready to fuck anything with a hole.  Every week it was all about sexually conquering this guy, that guy, and oh, there was always a corn-fed youth from Ohio State who fell under his power.

The third year we bowled with him, things took a strange turn. 

It was the first week back and Clyde was catching us up with his summer and oh, yes, he would need to do something about week five and week ten, because he would be at the Mayo Clinic getting treatments for his broken penis.

I dared not say "Come Again?" but my facial expression must have said that. 

Well then, Clyde had to tell us, every damn detail. 

He was having a three-way...he had popped viagra...twink...poppers...

Then he fell on his penis when he passed out from mixing Viagra and poppers.

His penis snapped.  Actually, the sponge-like material in the penis tore, giving him a hook.  Well, at the time, they had to call a squad because of the internal bleeding and bruising. 

"It looked so bad that when I came to, I passed out."  Then surgery, and another and another.   Finally, they told him that the damage was so severe that they were sending him to Mayo Clinic. 

I hope they can fix it because "Probie," (the name he had for his penis)  "is very unhappy."

Cookie gave him a look that said "What did the doctor say about using Viagra?" 

Cookie's husband, Husband, started calling him Captain Hook. 

I mean I felt bad for the guy, but damn it,  they warn you not to mix the two less you have a certain dangerous drop in your blood pressure, etc., etc., etc. 

Anyhow, by the end of the season, we needed to get away from bowling, and all of the drama of the broken penis. 

We have no idea what happened to Clyde, or if he got his "Probie" straightened out. 


  1. “You fool! You have broken my pointing stick! Now I have nothing to point with!” - Inspector Clouseau, A Shot in the Dark


  2. Cringe. Think of all those people holes that went unfulfilled because Probie was on the fritz! Hmmm. I mix viagra and poppers... but here's the key folks. MODERATION. I take 10 mg. Tiny dose. It makes peter happy. And then when it comes to poppers... a little goes a long way, dear. I think to get the effect your friend was talking about he must have taken a big old pill 100 mg and then glued the bottle to his nostril. I can't imagine. Too much of a good thing is... too much. Thanks for sharing this cautionary tale. Cringe, indeed.

    1. This guy was of the school of thought that "If a little is good, well then a lot is the best!" He paid that price.

  3. I will say 'Ow' and leave it at that.
    Karma, you know.

  4. Oh, I think I know Clyde. This answers why he had me call him Captain Hook and made me play Peter Pan to walk the gang plank because I was a bad boy. Or I'd get the hook.

    Nah...couldn't be the same one could it?

    1. Well, yes, there is the question of the Peter Pan character, but also in ten pin bowling a "hook" is when a ball is thrown and it follows a certain trajectory through a curve to the left so it hits the pocket.

  5. Phoebe? How unfortunate for the penis.

    I mean, IF I had name for "it", wouldn't you go with something like Blobby Jr (or Clyde Jr, in this case) or at least Shumba - like an elephant trunk?

    1. Not like Phoebe Buffet, but "Probie". I mean we all love Phoebe Buffet - I love Regina Phalange almost as much as I love Anastacia Beaverhausen.

  6. I have worked as a medic in the Air Force on a surgical floor for several years and in a urology office for six years...Yes, you can break your dick...Your penis, when erect, is like an inner tube...One can get a little adventurous/rough and cause the inner tube to tear...Thus we have a problem...It is painful...What we do is go in and repair the inner tube and you are set to go...This is my laymen's explanation...This type of accident is rare because the body/dick/penis is pretty pliable...In my years I have only seen two cases...Trust me, it looks gnarly...But don't worry...We can fix it and you will be back in action in no time...

    1. This happened some time ago. We don't even know if he's still alive. But he was sure that he would never plunge a pipe again.