PCIB - the great American seasonal illness

So what is PCIB?

PCIB: Pre Christmas Idiotic Behavior.

It seems like the virus that strikes in the final five days before Christmas has hit and hit HARD today.

I went to the market for the things we need for dinner on Christmas Eve - a roast, onions, potatoes, and carrots.  To get this stuff you have to go to our local market.  "Market" is a fine store, and I trust their butcher department - none finer.  This store is a small market - maybe about one-fifth of the size of modern supermarkets, yet they carry everything we need or want.

Normally, the store attracts lots and lots of people, a variety of ages and backgrounds.  Its prices are a teensy bit higher, but that's offset by the service, which is superb.

The problem is not the market, but the self-absorbed, clueless clientele.  These are people, by and large, who have attained something in life, and given the neighborhood, that is to be expected.  Normally the parking lot can be a mess by those who don't know how to yield, and those who don't know how to park.  But it's not the rule of thumb.

Except on the five days prior to Christmas when all bets are off.

At five days out:

1) people start coming into the exit and want exit through the entrance.
2) When exiting, they don't form two lines so that some people can go left, and others can go right.  Nope, the dullard will park their monster SUV's smack in the middle so they can make the next to impossible left out of the parking lot.  This backs up traffic, and then other dominos begin to fall.
   a) People can't move freely because of the backup, and people who are trying to get out of parking spaces can't exit because they are blocked by the queue of Lexus (Lexi?), Infiniti, Tahoes, Suburbans, Mercedes and BMW's - all of which are IN A HURRY.
   b) This also means that people are now lined up, static, in the street because they can't turn into the parking lot.
3) People back up without looking.  Yes, I know that cars come with cameras, and radar heads in their bumpers, but you should still look.
4) Several cars within 20 feet will begin to back up at once.  None of them pay attention to the beeping, sometimes they listen when horns start going off.
5) When parking they head in at obtuse angles, this means the people on either side risk damaging their cars because either don't have the space to get into said car, or they have great difficulty backing up when the rear of the neighboring vehicle is two inches from either side of the car they are trying to extricate from said space.
6) And people see a car slowly backing up, that is their signal to walk behind the car.
7) People waiting for a spot, or for someone to run in and make a purchase block cars trying to get in and out.
8) People not pulling into the parking space they found, but instead, they have to back into the space.  Most drivers can nail a space in one turn, or a turn and an adjustment move.  But the people who are backing in, by and large, aren't looking at their car screens.  As a result, their cars and SUVs go in at strange angles, and even after multiple adjustment moves, but their review mirror, except they have no sense of space because they are ignoring the parking lines.  And they are still not in the proper position, see number 5. 
9) When they try and leave the parking space because there are monster SUV's on either side of them, and they don't have use of their fish eye back up camera, they pull out like they are the only ones in the parking.  Never mind the car obeying the parking lot traffic flow, this is about THEM, and screw you other drivers, too!
9) You realize that these people are acting like Mr. Magoo - causing havoc in others and blind to the messes they create.

Inside the store, its all the same, but instead of cars and trucks, now we are talking about humans with carts and baskets.
1) They stare into space, trying to remember the ingredients for mothers mincemeat pie, or they review in their minds their entire shopping list while they stand in the middle of the aisles.  Smack dab in the middle of the aisles.
2) They fail to yield when some politely say "excuse me, may I get through."  You get crickets.  When they move you may or may get an acknowledgment of your right of way.
3) If you try and move their cart - because they have wandered off - they are on your ass for touching their cart.  "That's my cart!"  That may be, but how is anyone else supposed to know that they, not you, should be the one who is at fault.
4) They argue with staff members.  Today at the meat counter, a very thin, very young woman was arguing with the butcher over what a pork loin was. When the butcher pointed out the uncooked loins in the case, she said: "No, that doesn't look anything like what my cooks when it comes out of the oven."  Of course, it doesn't because it's uncooked, Miss Dingleberry.
5) In general, they act like they are in a bubble and that no one around them has anything better to do than wait while the bubblehead does their shopping.

Back in the parking lot, tired and mentally drained from 20 minutes in a market, section one starts all over again.

Retail during the holidays can be hard for store employees.  And acting like "Karen" with her "May I speak with the manager," is far from endearing.  A friend who manages a retail outlet said that in her gourmet foods store last year, one of the Karen emergencies that took her away unloading a supply truck with special orders of cookware (When you have to have a flame color Le Creuset dutch oven, you gotta have it, and red won't do) when a Karen came in, asked to speak with a manager because she didn't like the selection of sea salts they carried.  "What the fuck was I supposed to do, fly to the fucking Isle of Lesbos, capture twenty gallons of seawater, evaporate it, package it and get it to her in an hour?  Well in Karen's mind, that was a reasonable request."

Several years ago when I worked at a bookseller, we had a woman came in and took a game of Risk off the shelf, brought it up to the sales counter and demand a refund.  I asked, "Do you have a receipt?" 

"No," says she in a thick Russian accent. "I have returned many things before and they never ask for a receipt."

Now I knew that this bird walked in empty-handed, and the store is closing in twenty minutes so that staff can get home, so I called the store manager, and in a very low voice I asked for Manager to check the surveillance to see the bird walk in, go to the shelf, pull the game and then bring it up, which manager did. Meanwhile, I was lying off my rocker to the suspected thief. "I'm sorry about the wait but they have to get approval for non-receipted returns.  It's a corporate thing."

The manager came up and says to the woman in a low voice "How may I help you."  She listens to Ludmilla, and then says "We have you on tape, coming in without anything, going to the shelf, picking up the box and then walking it up here....so a refund isn't possible."

Then the Manager starts to give this woman the bums rush to the door.  Ludmilla starts screaming in Russian like someone is hitting her and when she is out the door, Manager hollers out "And have a Merry Christmas!" 

After the store closed, I got an attaboy and a nice report sent off to Loss Prevention and I asked the manager why she wished the thief a Merry Christmas.

"It's Christmas and the season is all about the "experience".

I for one am getting tired of the experience.  Between people behaving as if they have their head in their asses at the market, or trying to steal on Christmas eve, I am tired of the experiences of the yuletide week.

Very, very tired.