Merry Christmas: "There is no pig in here."

Sunday, Donald Trump's butt boy, Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin pulled a boner over the weekend.

Donald Trump was fuming about the market tanking on Friday, so Mnuchin - who really doesn't have a clue and should be investigated for running an agency that he had a track record of lying to before he was named its leader - thought it would be a spiffy idea to bolster the sagging markets. 

"Let's talk to the heads of the biggest banks, and not tell them I am going to make a statement," thought the Secretary of the Treasury.  The man has a marble-sized brain, so he thought it was a good idea.

What Mnuchin does get is that the only good news about a bank comes from its CEO when it exceeds - by a little bit - that earnings were higher than expected.  Or that the bank has a branch near you.  Or that they have a large ATM network.  Maybe your neighbor tells people "I got a great rate on a car loan."  But that's about it.

Why?

Because banking is a little bit like running a whore house. 

Actually, let me change that.  Banking is a lot like running a whore house. 

Everyone in town knows where it is.  Everyone in town knows what it does.  People transact business in there, and it's nobody's business but your business what you do when you walk into a bank office.  Everything is pretty private if it is 1) Legal and 2) Not Illegal.

What you never want to hear about a bank is a whole lot like what you don't want to hear about a whore house.   You never want to hear that the regulators are in there (bank), or that the health department paid a call (whore house) and in either case, when it becomes public, it makes people nervous.   In fact, it's nothing for a regulator to be in a bank because they are making sure that everyone is doing exactly what they are supposed to be.  Same with a whore house.  Health department checks up on it to make sure that the women (and men) who work there are doing so because they know what they are doing and aren't being forced to do it and that they aren't passing social diseases.

So after his call, what did the Secretary of the Treasury do?

He issued a statement that the largest banks are well run, have liquidity, and they want to make loans.

Dandy.

But if you have ever seen the 1984 farce, A Private Function - starring Michael Palin and Maggie Smith - then you know that when you announce to the world that there is "no pig in here," that there is, most certainly a pig being hidden in there.

Smug with his good deed of what was proclaiming "No pig in here" as it were, the result was that on the stock market side on Monday, Wall Street and Dow Jones, together, showed the single biggest loss in one day since 1931. 

What Mnuchin should know, and if he had the brains to know that you don't do that because people start questioning what you aren't saying.

If everything is fine with the banks why would you say anything?

If in fact there is "no pig in here" why say it?  You just open the door to the police and show them there is no pig in there.

And in fact if there is "no collusion" - which is a term, NOT a legal definition - you don't need to say "no collusion" at all, or repeatedly.   If there is no collusion, then the report will clear your name.  But when you say it continually, it sounds like a "denial" of what you are most afraid that they are going to find because you know something is there.

So tomorrow, if the market tanks again, remember: Steve Mnuchin will be insisting that there is no "no pig in here."