Sunday, January 10, 2016

We're going shopping....

Well, the house proceeds check clears tomorrow through its Reg CC holding period, and that means the Cookie's have been shopping for a new stove.

The current electric range, dubbed "Spectra" by its maker, GE, but more commonly referred to as "Satan's Stove" by the two of us has officially worn out its welcome mat, and hopefully be gone by February first.

Why is it Satan's Stove?  Using it is really is a crap shoot.  So much so that I am afraid to try a brisket.  When an over makes you afraid to make something that is your signature dish, it's a bad thing.  Set it at 350 and it's all over the place like a driver in Paris.  340, up to 425, levels off at 375, and if you adjust the temperature down you have to use an analog dial with a digital read out.  I wouldn't trust it with a meat loaf.

It's so bad that we thought about donating it, but think it would be safer on a trash heap.

So we have been appliance shopping, and it has been a brain numbing experience.  All these model numbers.

And you know, Cookie wants to buy locally, because I believe in supporting local companies.  Call me old fashioned, but that's what I do.

But we have shopped all the stores, large and small, because Cookie wants what he wants.

It's been a good eight years since I bought a new range, and the manufacturers are fewer, the quality is flimsier, and the prices higher.

And there is no more Magic Chef, which was TOPS in gas ranges.  Now everything is Viking this, commercial that, high end, stainless (or black stainless) or worse, the dreaded "Value lines".

"What about this this one over here," I said admiring it's lines, it's finish and control panel.

"Well, it is one of our best selling value lines, and great for the person who doesn't cook.  But frankly, the motherboards tend to fail and our service department manager drinks because the shipment come from Korea and the part can be here in 48 hours, or six weeks.  Look it up online.  Lots of angry owners."

So I asked Salesman why they sold it.

"People buy them because the interior is a pretty French blue, and when they work, they work just fine.  It's really popular with people who have to do a quickie update to sell a house."

And after a while, all the stoves start looking the same.

We are scolded for using the incorrect terminology.

At different store the sales "associate" ("unlike sales persons, we don't work on commission...") felt the need to correct me and scold me on my use of terminology.

"Now don't confuse a stove with a range," said she.

"A stove is a stand alone unit with both a cooktop and an oven.  A range is mounted on top of your counter top," she said with a tone of voice that scraped at the the very marrow of my bones.

"Well, where we're from, a stove and a range are the same thing, a cooktop is what is installed on your counter..." I made the mistake of saying.

"Then you are never going to find what you want because you are using the incorrect terminology."

And with that she lost me as a customer and we left.

At the next to last store we made it through the gauntlet of other shoppers and and screaming children to the section where they held the things that you cook food with heat and Reggie decided that we were his customers.

Looking at a unit that we both liked I asked: How much.  This was a mistake.

"Normally it's three thousands dollars, but it's on sale through the 21st for $2,100, tax and delivery not included on the HG37XSESSVPP90Q."

I point to one exactly like it sitting next to it and ask why the price is under two-grand.

As Reggie rattled off the model numbers, my brain began to hurt,
 and my mind buzzed with letters and numbers and figures.

"Well that model is a HG37YSESSVPP90Q, and it has stainless steel oven racks instead of the 'SmipliClean' racks that come with the HG37XSESSVPP90Q.  Now if you were interested in the wok stand, you can get that and the better racks on the HG37XSESSSVPP91Q, and with that you get the choice of the commercial style handles or last years Sculptura handles," says the sales person.

And which are the better racks?

"Well that depends on how you use your oven."

Silly me!

I am shown the the HG37XSESSWPP90Q, the HG37XSESSXPP91Q, and the HG37XSSESVPP90Q, which is not the same as the HG37XSESSXPP91R, according to the salesperson who lowers his voice as if to say something disparaging and out comes "which was last years big seller.  I have one at my Springfield store but it's missing the meat thermometer."

"Well we can't have that," says the husband, "can we."

Reggie missed that bit of sarcastic irony as it went sailing over his head.

"Now this one," says the sales clerk bring something up on a giant touch screen as large as most people's TV sets, "combines all of the features I showed you on the HG37XSESSVPP90Q and the HG37XSESSWPP90Q, the HG37XSESSXPP91QRC, which we don't have on the floor but comes with a phone app so you can start your over if you are leaving the office."


"The good news is the HG37XSESSXPP91QRC is only $3,250, plus $65 delivery fee which we rebate back to you after the range is delivered and you record the model number. and your 6.5% sales tax."

The sound of his voice has been replaced with an odd buzzing sound in my mind.  My brian was flatlining.

"And they all have the sabbath feature."

I blink.  Now I hear crickets. Just crickets.

By the time it was 4pm yesterday my head was about to explode

Anyhow, we found a "slide in range that gives us two ovens - one in the warming drawer oven (it will cook up to 425 degrees), five burners (cause when Cookie cooks, Cookie cooks) and is stainless.  And the controls in front where the Husband likes them.

And its Gas.

And it's on sale.

So now I have to see if I can get local appliance guy to drop the price to what the other local chain is willing to part with at.

And if I can get him to throw in a dishwasher, too.


  1. oy.

    our stove is old. from the 80s. a "drop in" jennair. when the day comes that it really breaks, it'll be tough replacing it. it has the built-in fan, which we need since the kitchen has no other fan. of course, i LOVE the stove in your above illustration.

    1. Does it have the pop up built in fan that rises up, or the built in fan between the two sets of burners. The good news is that they still make Jenn-Air...

    2. old school, fan between burners. i know they still make them, but i actually wish i had options. oh well. at least it's still working.

  2. that woman in the second store was a bitch, and reggie was just showing off. and who gives a shit what color the oven is on the inside.

    spouse and I just bought an LG (life is good) dishwasher; FABULOUS. we replaced a seven year old GE with this stainless steel wonder of technology. when my GE washer and dryer go, I'mma getting an LG!

    1. hint on the dryer. We have an LG front loading pair and 1) it doesn't have cross vanes to help tumble clothes back and forth, so the clothes never really dry right if they are in the front of the machine, and 2) LG has lousy lint filtration. Just saying!

    2. ooooh, THANK YOU for the warning, cookie! who needs that shit in life?

  3. I had to shop online before I got my induction stove; and then called around for pricing. It took a couple of weeks of research, and about five calls. I wish I had gas hook ups, but induction sure beats electric.

    I have the LG front loading pair. It helps with the drying if you throw in a couple of those dryer balls and always set it for the maximum length. One thing I'll say for LG, my clothes last a lot longer without the agitators and cross vanes.

    The negative things: any pre-soaking happens in the bathroom sink, and if you want to dye something, it's in a bucket in the back yard.

  4. may I suggest: The Frigidaire Flair Custom Imperial ?

    ps, enjoy your blog a great deal as a new visitor, ty.

  5. mistake, this the correct link, the range appears about 6:30, but it's worth watching for future home improvement ideas.

    1. We had a friend who offered us hers back in Ohio, and I would have taken it, but we like gas cooking.

  6. We've done the new stove thing, after having a gas line run to the house, and we're very pleased.

    Now, if a salesperson/associate/windbag had said this to me:
    "Then you are never going to find what you want because you are using the incorrect terminology."

    I would I have replied:
    "Then you are never going to make a sale because you are a pompous gasbag who doesn't know dick about customer service."

    Then i would have removed my hoops and my shoes .......

    1. may e we should have go shopping with Julia Sugarbaker.

  7. Sadly, we live in an all-electric building, and gosh do I miss a gas range. In Cairo we've got a big five-burner baby that's a joy to cook with, but here I think our current horror is your Satan's baby sibling...

    1. We had an opportunity to buy a dual fuel model, electric oven and gas burners. But this electric oven really has me spooked...

  8. Well good grief!!!! I wasn't even there and I need a good stiff drink!!!!! I my little adobe I have a 20 year old Frigidaire and I adore it....never had a repair yet, and I cook the hell out of it.

  9. Blue Star makes good ranges. Gas ones. Not crappy electric. When we ever upgrade from the true industrial - not faux Viking industrial - South Bend, it will most likely be Blue Star

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. Upon looking closer at the range pictured, (um, or is that stove? I confuse easily,) it looks like there is a tortoise on fire in there. No, I don't remember how I did on the ink blot test, either. Probably not well. Maybe I'm just bored out of my mind between writing children's books with the twins back in school, and am completely out of tings to Netflix or Prime. Any suggestions from y'all would be very helpful, then maybe I'll quit seeing animals in imaginary smoke. Or not, lol.

    1. It does look like something is smoldering...