Saturday, August 10, 2013

Maybe its time we looked at the softer side of Sears & Roebuck

Someone's nipples have been amended.

Sears, formerly known as Sears Roebuck,  the Largest Store in the World - oh they of Americana's Wishbook fame, has evidently tried to expand their market share by offering items, that, eh, more people want and need in an effort to become more relevant in the lives of modern Americans.

As a child I would look through my grandparents Sears catalog's and find myself trembling in an oddly excited fashion looking at the images of men and boys older than I was, posing in their white tee-shirts and white jockey briefs.  They would be grouped together, or pictured alone.  They would be posed standing in scene showing them milling about, or some seated and others standing.  There were also the infamous poses showing a young man standing holding a football, either like shield in front of their chest, or raised about his head as if to imply that he was tossing the football in a friendly game of touch football between underwear clad friends.

In the 1970s, as retailers became attuned to the changing social morays and fashion, the briefs got skimpier, and the models became less like a clean cut young father, and more sexual.  For those of us clsoeted gay teens who hit puberty in the 1970s, Jim Palmer became the icon of the man we wanted to call Daddy.

Fast forward to 2013, and even those Jockey brief ads featuring Jim Palmer look positively puritanical to what has been found in Sears Online web site.

Like the picture above, there are listings under the heading "Elegant Moments" for black dog collars and leashes, penguin briefs and frilly nities that would shock the children of yesterday.  Indeed, back in the 70s, the only place to see these pictures was if one's father hid a copy of Playboy under his side of the mattress.

Instead of men, modestly posed in tee shirt and briefs, their genitalia penciled out to the point where they look like Ken dolls, Sears makes no apologies for men, women and their sexual fantasy needs as far as the item is concerned.

WANTED: Male Model willing to humiliate self by wearing "Vinyl Penguin Pouch".
Must have ball point sized nipples. Apply at Sears. 
I'm not sure who has a sexual fantasy involving a man wearing a vinyl bird on the from of his posing strap, but he is eye candy when you realize that he was paid to do this.  

And what of the name of the line, "Elegant Moments"?  Look at that picture above and tell me what is elegant about that outfit?

If there is anything amiss, it is the issue of nipples, which have been reduced to microscopic size on the men, and missing completely on the women.  Take for example, the Elegant Moments Black Lace Babydoll W G Strng Bk 3X.  The peek-a-boo boo boobalicous nighty has easy access cutaways on the bra cup.  However in the online catalog picture, when one zooms in, there is something amiss!

They have removed her nipples.  Why she has two fingers on each breast is beyond me, but it isn't hiding nipples, unless she is one of the unfortunate women born with Top-Hatch Nipple Syndrome, or THNS.

Some of their Photochopping, or use of MSPaint are rather sad:

The jiggly eyes set this apart, however, is this for man, or a eunuch?

I for one would find these more erotic had they been Craftsmen, instead of Elegant Moments.

To see more of the soft-core side of Sears, go here.


  1. The strangest thing happened when I clicked on the Sears link.

    For a "brief" moment I saw the likes of soft-core fashions, including fishnet boxer shorts and then suddenly, the page switched automatically to jeans and t-shirts.

  2. "but he is eye candy when you realize that he was paid to do this."

    Thanks, Now I'm having uncomfortable fantasies of paying him or other guys to do this or worse....