In the old days, wedding announcements were the funniest read in the paper because they were so damned boring. "The bride is the daughter of mmmmmm. The bridegroom is the son of mmmmmm, and works as a mmmmmmmm for the mmmmm Company." And they went into PAINSTAKING detail of the lace, materials and types of dresses that every woman was wearing.
But times change and increasingly, wedding announcements have been all business. We no longer know of the type of fabric that the bridegroom's step mother's mother is wearing. They are pretty much Dragnet announcements that are all facts and none of the obtuse information that made them so much fun to read in the first place.
Until now.
In New York City, the New York Times has joined the 21st Century and started printing same sex wedding announcements. And the old gray lady of the press has just published a wedding announcement of profound triviality and monumental minutia for two men, who I expect are dying of embarrassment because their announcement reads like it should have appeared in the latest issue of The Onion, not the Times.
From the New York Times, online (and I am promising you that I am not making this up):
"Daniel Hendrick and Jimmy Van Bramer"
By VINCENT M. MALLOZZI
Published: July 29, 2012
"Daniel M. Hendrick and Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer
were married Saturday evening at Studio Square, an event space in Long Island
City, Queens. Audrey I. Pheffer, the Queens County Clerk, officiated."
"Mr. Hendrick (left), 41, works in Manhattan as the
communications director for the New York League of Conservation Voters, an
environmental advocacy group. He graduated from Columbia University.
"He is the son of Elizabeth L. Hendrick of Fraser,
Mich., and Daniel W. Hendrick, of Largo, Fla. His mother retired as a laboratory
supervisor at St. John Macomb-Oakland Hospital in Warren, Mich. His father
retired as a fire marshal for Chrysler and worked in Detroit.
"Mr. Van Bramer, 42, is a member of the New York City
Council representing the 26th District, which is composed of Long Island City,
Sunnyside, Woodside, Astoria and Maspeth in Queens. He is also the chairman of
the council’s Cultural Affairs and Libraries Committee. He graduated from St.
John’s University.
"He is a son of Elizabeth E. Marcum of Astoria and
William R. Van Bramer of Vero Beach, Fla. His mother retired as a cashier and a
meat wrapper at a Pathmark supermarket in Long Island City. His father retired
as a pressman for The New York Times and as an executive board member of New
York Pressman’s Union, Local 2.
"Mr. Van Bramer is a stepson of the late James E.
Marcum. His stepfather retired as a custodian from Intermediate School 10 in
Astoria.
"Mr. Hendrick and Mr. Van Bramer met in May 1999 at a
fund-raiser for a gay community center in Queens. (At the time, Mr. Van Bramer
was working in government relations for the Queens Borough Public Library and
Mr. Hendrick wrote news releases for the Fitch Ratings agency.)
"Mr. Van Bramer, having just arrived, went to the bar
for a glass of wine when he looked up and saw Mr. Hendrick. “He was this
handsome redhead with glasses,” Mr. Van Bramer recalled. “I just kind of said to
myself ‘Who is that?’ ”
"Mr. Hendrick was soon chatting with the man who had
invited Mr. Van Bramer to the fund-raiser, leading Mr. Van Bremer to assume that
the two were dating. A short time later, the friend told Mr. Van Bramer that he
was not dating Mr. Hendrick, and he had more good news: Mr. Hendrick had asked
about Mr. Van Bramer (“Who is the guy in the suit?”).
"Mr. Van Bramer approached Mr. Hendrick and very soon
began a mental survey of his new acquaintance.
“As we were standing there talking, I went through my
checklist,” Mr. Van Bramer said. “I thought, ‘He’s good looking, he’s smart,
he’s employed and he’s able to talk about politics.’ He met every one of my
requirements.”
"Mr. Hendrick also had a checklist.
"“I thought he was sweet, handsome, intelligent and
above all, I really loved his political activism,” Mr. Hendrick said. “He wanted
to make some changes in the world.”
"That conversation led to a first date at a movie
theater in Queens, and they began dating steadily, with Mr. Hendrick, who lived
in Long Island City, spending time at Mr. Van Bremer’s studio in Woodside.
Though Mr. Van Bremer wanted them to live together, he did not want to appear
desperate.
"“Every time he would leave a shirt behind or a
toothbrush, I thought that was a good sign that he was leaning toward moving
in,” Mr. Van Bremer said.
"Then one day, Mr. Hendrick brought over one of his
most treasured possessions, a sugar bowl that he had bought in Siberia during a
college trip.
"The sugar bowl, which Mr. Hendrick put on the kitchen
counter, never made it back to Long Island City, and neither did Mr. Hendrick,
who moved in shortly thereafter."
So tell us, what's your favorite factoid from this announcement?
