Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving's Like We Used to Have: A Dysfunctional Playette

It dawned on me that many of you may be longing for the types of Thankgiving dinners that you were familiar with as children.  You know, the dinners that turned in William Inge plays, or something more like Tennessee WIlliam's would script?

To help you get through today, I whipped together thais small playette entitled

A Good Old Fashioned American Thanksgiving
A One Act Playette

For those who miss the good old Thanksgivings of the past, we present a short play that may be performed around the Thanksgiving meal table.  This is especially suitable for those who will spend their Thanksgiving away from their biological Families and yearn for the dinners of years past.

This play requires three people. (A role for a fourth person presents itself midway through the drama.  It may be played by anyone else present, or ignored.)

If more are seated at your table, their role will be to look either embarrassed or horrified, or if the person is a true blood WASP, nonplussed by the raging drama.

If a girl, age ten to 16 is present, her job is to roll her eyes, as if to say “whatever” at random moments.

This is a unisex play, the roles can be played by people of either sex.

Person One: Who’s got the salt?

Person Two: Uh, its right in front of you. As if you need anymore salt in your diet.

Person Three: I believe that the proper way to ask for the salt is to say “Please pass the salt.”

Person One: Don’t start on me.

Person Three: I was only trying to be helpful. It would be nice if we could enjoy a normal meal together, for once.

Person Two: Well if you wanted to have a nice meal for once, could you please stop correcting people? And what in the Hell is this? (Pointing at a food on their plate.)

Person Three: “Why that is  (INSERT THE NAME OF A PERSON WHO WOULD MAKE SUCH A DISH) famous (NAME OF THE DISH) . You always used to ask for seconds when they made it!

Person One: Yeah, because they could cook.

Person Three: I have just about had it from the both of you.

OPTIONAL: Person Four:  My, we are certainly having some weather today, aren't we?

Person Two: Sweet Jesus, here we go again.

Person Three: Our Lord, Jesus Christ is our Savior; Don’t talk about his as if he was the next door neighbor coated in powdered sugar!

Person Two: What the Hell is that supposed to mean?

Person Three: I’m just pointing out that his full name is “Our Lord, Jesus Christ” and its not to be taken in vain at my table.

Person One: Is his first name really is “Our Lord”? And here all these years, I thought it was Jesus. (smirks)

Person Three: Did I ever tell (pouring another glass of wine) you that we wanted adopt another baby, but all they had was you?

Person One: You BITCH!  You’re a monster!  You're only happy when someone else is crying. (Runs out of the room)

Person Two: Hey you, don't EVER call your (NAME OF POSITION IN A FAMILY) a Bitch even if he/she is one. (Pauses)   So much for a special Thanksgiving. This one is just like all the rest.

Person Three: Shut up, and hand me that salt shaker.

And the meal contiues.

~The End~


  1. Fabulous!

    Have been spying on my family dinner?

    I would love to produce this little gem at my local Little Theater.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and “Our Lord, Jesus Christ”!

  2. You know< after rereading it, I'm sure that there are few more phrases that could be added:

    "Do you really think another glass of wine is a good idea?"

    "I never liked you as a person."

    "Oh, yeah? Well you Jews killed Jesus."

    "Put down that knife!"