No, Cookie is not bi curious

 

I really have to adopt this attitude

House hunting in central Ohio right now is a giant pain in the ass. 

Simply put, our price point is generous, but the crap on the market right now in that price zone is, well crap. 

The realtor sends us new listings daily, and they are either in the wrong zip code or next to a really busy road. It's not her fault, she is doing everything that we ask of her, and more. 

"You are going to like this one, but it has vinyl replacement windows, and they ripped out the hardwood floors and put in gray vinyl plank flooring," she'll note.

Ugh. Yup, the houses look like Lowe's and HGTV had a baby and it looks horrible and cheap. But they want $800k for it.  OR, they are the unloved houses of the 1950s, and 1960s.

Our conversation this morning went something like this:

"So I know that you said no, but are you sure you aren't the least bi-level curious," said she.  "Maybe a nice split level?"

"That bad," I said?

"Horrible. There's a large spilt-level that has come on the market by Saint Andrews.  My guess is that the family had a lot of children."

"Like the Waltons?"

"Looks more like Yours, Mine, and Ours."

In fact, it was built as a large split, four bedrooms up, but then they added a one-floor wing off of the lower level family room, with three more bedrooms and a huge bathroom, with two toilet stalls.

Yes, toilet stalls. 

"Great if you are hosting orgies," said she. 

Besides being way too old for that, I told her the creepy addition and the stucco exterior and aluminum windows left me feeling cold.  "I am not aroused by this."

Well, keep an open mind, I was encouraged, but she only said it half-heartedly.  "Maybe you could tear that wing down."

Anyway, I think we have a Central Ohio limit. If we can't find anything by mid-September, we may have to rent through the winter and that isn't something we really want to do.