Thursday, May 25, 2023

Tales of the neigborhood

Woe to anyone who crosses her.

The other day, while catching up with our neighbor Gertie, she and I witnessed a heated discussion between neighbors. 

Evidently, the one (Blond, Bitchy and Big Boobs) who is a total bitch to everyone wanted her yard cleaned up.  So husband hired a yard crew to clean up and mulch down the yard that BBB could care less about.

They brought out their gasoline-powered blowers and proceeded to blow last's fall and winter's detritus onto the other neighbor's freshly landscaped and mulched beds.  When the next-door neighbor saw what was going on, she asked BBB to ask her yard men to stop blowing crap into her Zen garden.  

BBB, screamed back that "You'll have to ask my husband to do that," because ""He's the one who handles the yard."

Which prompted a "Seriously?" commented from the aggrieved neighbor. She had a point. I mean really, what kind of smack is that?

BBB then said, "I mean that Zen garden is just a giant litter box!"

And then she walked back into the house because that is the type of passive-aggressive Barbie doll that she is.

So her aggrieved neighbor did what felt good at the moment- but wasn't very Zenlike - she got out her husband's gasoline-powered leaf blower and blew the crap back into BBB's yard.  

"Oh," said Gert, "I think we are in for another bug tussle."

Now I was torn. Part of me found the aggrieved neighbors take no shit, take no prisoners attitude something I could cheer on. 

"We went through this a couple years ago," opined Gert.  "This just made for unpleasantness."

But we all know that revenge is usually a dish best-served cold. Yet another question was, why wasn't wronged party meditating on it, which is very Zenlike. 

THAT prompted BBB to storm out of her house and walk up to her gardeners, and based on her hand gestures (it was kind of hard for us to see through Gertie's hedge, and the machines in the yard were making an awful racket) order one of the men working in her yard to blow the shit back into her neighbor's yard.  

I think body language is pretty universal, and he essentially was telling her "I am not your champion." He shrugged his shoulders and walked away.  

SO, BBB went over to the fence and started screaming at the neighbor, who screamed back "I THOUGHT ONLY YOUR HUSBAND COULD SPEAK WITH THE GARDENER!"

Our neighborhood picnic and potluck is this weekend, so I for one am interested in how BBB is going to play this. On the other hand, I think that it would be best to steer clear of both of them. 


  1. what time is the pot luck and should I bring a dessert or side?

    1. I am praying that it doesn't rain that night. I'm bringing popcorn. By that point, things will have simmered long enough to see who is speaking to one and other, and who isn't talking to one and other.

  2. Don't they have police in Baltimore? If I am getting this correctly, Gertie should just have called the police, not taken retaliation into her own hands. Who knows where that could end? --Jim

    1. Dearest, the police? It would take them a week to get here! And if they show up, then you'd be reminded that there are people in Baltimore killing one and other, and dirt bikers to arrest, and gangs, and shit. The police in Baltimore have a full plate, and would never get in the middle of these two harpies hexing one and other. And oh, Gertie was not one of the two women involved, we were just in her yard. She's too civilized for any of this foolishness.

  3. Life in suburbia!! Never gets dull!! Now who is sleeping with folks across backyard fences. Are there any husbands dipping their toes in gay intrigue and come to find out loves it.

    1. You know, I remember the neighborhood conflicts in Columbus and they were always words, none of these spoiled ass women screeching at each other like angry ten year olds. In Columbus, it was about Frigid and her wife Frigeda admonishing people who used outdoor grilles for ruining the air for their Torston, and shit like that. But these gen Z, Y, X, and millennials have never been socialized. Its like watching two female hellcats released from their cages after no being fed for a week.

  4. Crikey! So, how was the weekend picnic & potluck? Did you get dinner and a show?

  5. Gotta love when desperate housewives go Wild. For the rest of the neighborhhood....did you sell tickets and place bets you'd throw down first and win, at the potluck????

  6. Gotta love when desperate housewives go WILD!!! As for the rest of the neighborhood, did you all put money down and place bets on who'd throw down and win first at the potluck?