Hot time in the old town tonight

Katrina Morgan - photo credit Ottawa County (Ohio) Jail

There's an old Bette Midler joke, that she tells as a Sophie Tucker joke that goes like this:

"I will never forget it you know. Ernie, Lucky Ernie, Flying Ace Ernie from WW 2, had just gotten back from that very same war. He took me up to his apartment, stripped me naked, and threw me on the bed. He took gasoline and poured it on my privates, then lit my groin on fire. I said “Ernie, Lucky Ernie, what the hell is going on?” He said, “When Lucky Ernie goes down, he goes down in flames!” 

Its a joke of dubious quality.  But it just seems so right at this moment.   Especially when something happens that you just can't make up.

For Katrina Morgan of Port Clinton, Ohio, there was no gasoline, no Ernie, but her night of drinking apparently went up in flames, and the account is spectacular.

The Port Clinton News-Herald reported that Katrina had a run-in with the law on Saturday, May 2, 2020.  Allegedly, Katrina and some friends had been drinking.  Allegedly, perhaps a wee teensy bit too much.

Anyhow, Katrina was either feeling randy or social distancing was getting to her so she got on the phone and call 911.  Apparently, Katrina was hot.  No, actually, Katrina called 911 TWICE to report that she had, not a Hot Pocket, but a fire in her crotch.

That's what the headline said.

Digging deeper, eh hum, Katrina apparently stated that her "P_ _ _ Y" was on fire.  And she needed some firemen to put it out.

Ms. Morgan, on the 911 calls - YES, she made not one, but TWO calls to 911 and which were recorded -demanding to know if their "hoses" were working.  That right, her "P _ _ _ Y" was on fire and that a fireman's hose was needed, presumably to treat the fire in her crotch.

And her P _ _ _ Y just wasn't on fire.  No, per the audio, it was "On FIIIIIII-ERRRRRRRR!"

Cookie's reaction? "That is so Fuckin' aye Molly Hatchet"

When the Police arrived they found not a fire, but a couple of friends drinking, empty bottles, and poor Ms. Morgan, whose crotch not on fire, but she was combative.

She resisted arrest and only complied with officer directives until they threatened the use of a stun gun.

While said fire may have been metaphorically true, evidently the lack of tangible evidence meant that she was charged with Disrupting Public Services, a felony, and with Making False Alarms, a misdemeanor.

Since the News-Herald is a Gannet paper, the story went out and became a wire story.  From Bing to various newspapers, Ms. Morgan and her alleged predicament went worldwide.  The New York Post carried it, and even the Voice of India.   And you just know that the British Tabloids latched onto this, too.  They live for this stuff.

Said a friend who is a lawyer, "She looks like she could need a pubic defender."

NOW, lest you think that this is fake or fraud, let's go to the audiotape of the 911 calls.

Let this be a warning, people.  If your crotch is "on fire", that life is not a porn movie.  Once you call the police, they will not "Brown Chicken Brown Cow" when they discover that your claims are just a call out for sexual healing.

A special nod goes out the 911 operator who kept a level head during this crisis.

Take it from Dr. Cookie, they make a cream to treat that ring of fire.

Source: Woman charged after calling 911 to report fire in her crotch.