Four Easter

Cookie is today reporting from the southern edge of the fourth Nor' Easter, aka Four Easter, to hit the Eastern Seaboard in three weeks.   My head needs to be examined, because I am certainly going crazy in the farkatae weather.

There are things that Cookie likes about living in Maryland - it's not all rude ass drivers who can't park a Mini Cooper between the lines on a (U.S.) football field, the simmering racial hatred on all sides.  No, there are some things that Cookie that Cookie likes. 

First, there is the term "Nor'easter".  For those of you who say "You're getting some snow, big deal," I say, no, no, no. 

A Nor'Easter is different from your average low-front delivering lake-effect snow.  A Nor'easter is the joining of two weather fronts: one, a low, from the northwest/Midwest, and one coming in from the south that hooks into the jet stream and collides with the first front, producing "bombogenesis" that circulates counter clockwise. 

Nor'easters produce high winds, terrific amounts of precipitation, snow or rain, and its determinate result are based on whether or not the southern front tracks inland west of the Eastern Seaboard - rain, or tracks east - rain, snow, and ice.

And that brings us to the second thing I love - the term "Eastern Seaboard".  Other places have coasts.  We have a "Seaboard".   There is no Western Seaboard - it's the West Coast.  I just love the term.

Third, I also love being in the "North" of the "South".  In this age of "truthiness" and smug internet trolls who think that they know everything, but don't, when you see them discuss the south, they inevitably leave Maryland off the list.   To them, the South is Virginia, the Carolinas, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisana, Texas, Missouri, Tennessee, and Kentucky.  They leave off:

1) West Virginia - "it was a border state, so it doesn't count."  So was Kentucky, but you are counting it, right? "But it's different because it broke away from a slave state."  But its residents could own slaves even after the Emancipation Proclamation.  Border states slave owners could own people as property up until the end of the war.  It's the south, suga.
2) Arkansas - "What? Oh, where is that?"  Next to Louisana, and Texas, South of Missouri. It was part of the Confederacy.  "They had slaves in Arkansas?"  Meathead, yes, and segregation.  Do you not know anything about the National Guard being called into Little Rock to desegregate the High School there?  Meathead.
3) Florida - "Well, Florida is different."  It's only different in that you take your kids to Disney World.  Slave State.  Moreover, the southernmost point in the continental 48 is at Key West.  Can't get more Southern than that.

AND...

MARYLAND- "Maryland isn't a Southern state.  It's more northern than southern..."  Moron, have you ever heard of Mason Dixon Line?  Have you never listened to the lyrics - every verse - of Maryland My Maryland?  This was a slave-holding border state. Just like West-by-God-Virginia.  And that is nothing to be proud of.  We may seem like a Northern state to you, but it's not.  There is still a great deal of "south" around here.  "Not around Liberal Washington, D.C."  The D.C. region is but one facet of the state.  Maryland isn't perfect, but it sure as hell isn't a northern state, Meathead. 

And you can't just make shit up in the name of "truthiness" to fit your argument.  I love Steven Colbert like anyone else, but come on hipster scum.  Stop being a total douche.

Make no mistake, Cookie has no intention of living out the remainder of my life here in the old line state.  I am a Midwestern lad, and I have left the husband explicit instructions that should the end be imminent, that I am going to the Ohios (five states, all different) to expire.

But for now, I am here, in the midst of the fourth Nor'easter in three weeks, just trying to find something that makes me happy about being here.