Saturday, October 22, 2016

I hate costume parties

The next door neighbors are having a Halloween Party a week from today, and I really am not in the mood.

It's been a rough year to begin with, and "fancy dress" parties are not my idea of a good time.  Maybe its my personality type, INFJ, or just being an introvert, but they overwhelm me.  Especially STRAIGHT costume parties.

At gay Halloween parties, all bets are off, as are the good taste sensors.  If this were a LGBT Party I could go out, buy a purple sweatshirt, run it through the wash with chlorine bleach to make it a lovely shade of Lavender, then write DYKE CHARM SCHOOL ADVISER with a black Sharpie on it.  Slap a couple pearl button earring and a fake pearl necklace and *BOOM*, done.

But at a straight party, a) No one would get it, or b) there would be an offense taken.   And since we have to live with these people, I can't run that risk.

My other issue is I can't shave off my goatee.  I have had one since 1985, and this incarnation has been on my face since 1991.

So, I have chosen to go as the most boring man alive, and second Presidential debate superstar, Ken Bone.  I'd only have to shave off the chin whiskers, I could keep the mustache, a red sweater and khakis.

Last year, the husband went as the next door neighbor's dog and won a prize.  But the dog has died, and it would be in bad taste to go in the same costume.  I though about spraying it down in snow like flocking, then he could go as the dog's ghost, but that would be in bad taste.

IN OTHER NEWS, guess who Cookie was grocery shopping with today?

United States Senator Babs Mikulski (D-MD)!  Well, we weren't shopping with her, but she was shopping when I was shopping, so we were shopping together in that sense, but we were on the same salad bar, and in the same check out line .  Babs, in my world she lets me, not you, call her Babs (to you she is "Senator")  is about 4'9" tall.  She's adorbs!  Anyhow I mentioned to Bab's that my friend Lori, from Massillion, worked for her in the eighties and we had a nice chat.

This goes on top of my meeting the man who will take her place after the upcoming election, Chris Van Hollen, last week at a neighbor's function.  Chris is a doll.

Add that to fact that the husband I hang out at the same neighborhood joint as former Maryland Governor Marty O'Malley, and Cookie is in the thick out of it.

So anyway, that's my check in for the moment.  


  1. you COULD beg off the party this year by saying you are in mourning. perfectly sane reason.

    I had read that the senator was retiring; SHE is a true patriot, unlike those tea party things that throw that word around with pure hatred in their voice. and I would not mind one night with o'malley (woof!).

    1. Marty is hot. Nice body. And he is a very nice guy. I'm hoping that if Hillary wins, he'll get an appointment. He'll be back in 2024.

  2. My go-to costume for a for a party--and I loathe them as much, or more, than you--is to step into a garment bag, put a hanger on my head and go as luggage.
    It works.

    1. How wonderful. I will suggest it to the husband.

  3. An easy & cheap costume: Buy a plastic laundry basket and cut a hole in the bottom. Slide into it until it's around your waist. Fill it with old clothes and wear an empty box of detergent as a hat. You are a basket of dirty laundry. Hand out thrift store boxer shorts and bras to people, asking them, "Did some of your laundry get mixed up with mine?" You can also use a bra as suspenders to hold up your laundry basket(pun intended)

    1. Oooh! And you can edge the sharp plastic edge of the basket with a foam hot water pipe insulator!