Thursday, July 28, 2016

An Open Letter to Donald Trump on the Art of Sarcasm:

Dear Donald Trump,

I am writing this to you because today, July 28, 2016, you tried weasel out of ownership of the invitation you made to the Russian government of Vladimir Putin to breach United States Cyber-Security and aid you in your quest to steal the White House from the people of this nation.

I say weasel, because, Donald, that is what you are - a big orange weasel with mange.

See, Donald, you have this habit of saying appalling things like you mean it, because you know that you will get press, and then after everyone around you tells you to shut the *uck up, your modus operendi is - and you share this with other people who are also borderline personality types - to say something like "I was just kidding," or in this case "I was being sarcastic."

Here's the problem with that back down, which is what it is, because no one, and I mean no one knows sarcasm like a gay man.  Teenage girls might act like they know what it is, but they have not honed their fine skills by 13.

So let me ask you, Donald, (oh, but I can't call you Don because I understand that you don't like that, or Donnie, either), what was your immediate thought when you read that last paragraph? "This asshole doesn't know what he is getting at?"

Then you don't have a clue about sarcasm.

If you were bright enough to get sarcasm, your response would have been "really."  Not "really?"  But just "really."

According to Webster, you traitorous son of Scotswoman, Sarcasm is defined as:

In other words, Donald, one needs to have "wit" to deploy sarcasm.  And some things, like wit, cannot be bought, Mr. QT. 

Face it Donald, it is something that you don't have.  So you can't claim it.

Sarcasm means that you are still in the light of day, but standing the shade of a tree on a hot summer day.  You deliver sarcasm with a roll of the eyes, the deadpan on your face.  It is cutting, but never at the expense of yourself.  Sarcasm is verbal linguistics that highlight how vapid something is.  Sarcasm is wielded like a bullwhip, with an extra loud CRACK.  

So let's go back to that statement you made, shall we?   

The day after it was made known that Wikileaks was going to release texts of emails, just happened to be the opening day of your rival's party convention, and it was also made known some time ago that the Russians - either at the order of man paying your debt bills, Vlad the Putin - who is also a former KGB agent or by some Russian hacker trying to get ahead in their world - were the ones who hacked into the server.   Then you take to the stage and open your big yap, and step into a great big pile of betrayal by INVITING A NATION THAT HAS BEEN OUR MORTAL ENEMY FOR 70 YEARS to compromise the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, a nation that you hope to lead. 

And you do this after saying that if the Russians were to go into the Baltic States, you would have to look at whether or not Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania had made good by paying the U.S. back for everything that they owed us.  Owe us?  When the iron curtain crumbled we celebrated their independence, now you want to throw that accomplishment in world history under the Kremlin again? 

Hello?  (If you guessed that "Hello?" was sarcasm, you might be onto something.  If not, you still don't have what it takes, do you Donald.) 

Now, in middle America, in a farm someplace in the heart of our support strong hold, a Republican and his loyal Republican wife are sitting down to a cup of coffee and a bowl of shredded wheat and they turn on the TV, to FOXNews, which is "Fair and Balanced." (That Fair and Balanced?  That was  Roger Ailes being sarcastic - because FOXNews is neither, and some people get the joke, other's don't.  That's because Roger Ailes is a real bitch.  Don't cross him, because it turns him on. Ask Gretchen Carlson.  She'll tell you.)  

And after hearing you speak that invitation, guess what.  It's not a question Donald, because I am going to tell you.  Clyde turns to Wanda and says "Did that son of bitch Trump just invite the Commies to invade America?"

And Wanda, taking a drag off her Winston cigarette says, "Sounds like it to me."

Now Clyde has a problem.  His father was killed in Korea fighting for the United States, against the commies, and he has voted for every damn Republican since Goldwater because the Republican's are tough on Commies, and now he has a bumper sticker on the back of his Chevy Truck (which is as American as "baseball, apple pie and Chevrolet") with your now Commie loving name on it. 

See the problem, Donald.  

Didn't think so. 

Clyde's problem is that he was planning on voting for you stupid son of bitch because Republican's keep the Russian's out of United States and it's stuff.  That's what Goldwater campaigned on, Nixon, Ford, Reagan and both Bushes, you arrogant prick.  Now you come along and not only invite them in, but you are too much of a chicken shit to own your words, coward. 

Here's the problem you giant gasbag, there is only one crime mentioned in the Constitution, which, God forbid you will have to swear to uphold against all enemies FOREIGN (That means the Russians that you just invited in) and domestic.  And that crime is Treason - the aiding and abetting of enemies of this nation to work towards overthrowing the duly elected government of the U.S.

And voters like Clyde and Wanda are your supporters - Conservative whites who you have made fearful of Communism and Socialism and every other "ism", are blinded by that fear you are peddling.  Otherwise they would see you for the obnoxious putz that you are.  

And every jaw of every American that paid attention in Government class just cringed when your pie hole spewed out that chestnut. 

So now you come out, all macho and trumpylike, and you say "oh, I didn't mean it.  I was being sarcastic" as if that is going to fix this. 

And Clyde and Wanda are wondering how the hell they just sold out the country they love by buying the load of Trump Shit you are selling. 

Let me tell you Donald Trump, Clyde and Wanda and every other American with an ounce of education didn't chortle at that crack.  It wasn't clever.  You weren't joking, and it certainly wasn't sarcastic.  It was a very definitive invitation for the Soviet Union to re-emerge and break down our security that controls everything from the lights in your gold plated toilet room to the protocscope that your doctors use to examine your brain. 

Linda Ellerbee once said that "Ideas off the top of one's head are a lot like dandruff - small and flakey."

Abraham Lincoln once said "It's one thing to be thought a fool, its something else to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

Do you see what I am getting at Trump?

No, because your head is so far up your ass that your borderline personality disordered personality just comes back up your throat. 

Donald, you are bad news.  You are bad for this nation, and now you are bad for the world.  And I hope to God that when you lose in November you go the fuck away.  How about the Crimea?  I think Putin would love to sell you a nice villa for your golden years, you putz. 

Very Truly Yours,



  1. What he said....Drop the mike....

  2. "no one knows sarcasm like a gay man" - FUCK YEAH, COOKIE! YOU GO GIRL!

  3. Ever before considered emigration ?

  4. Can we mass produce this very well said letter and pass it out to all? Because you know some stupid ass will still vote for this asshole