Thursday, January 2, 2014

Follow the dotted lines

Can you imagine being able to cut this whole coupon out, including
the woman, who looks like my friend Jody Homan and handing it to a cashier?
Maybe they would DOUBLE IT to a whole .14 cents!

So Cookie has been thinking a lot.

About the coming year.

Do you remember when we were younger and we thought the coming year was going to be a big thing?

Cookie was like that.  I would think that "this new year is going to be so much better than that tired, tired old year we were leaving behind.

And it only took me 51 years to follow the dotted lines to realize that if we really believe that the coming year was going to be one of promise, then it couldn't be that tired ratty old year we left behind, because then every year would be a set up to fail with our hopes up so far that they could meet expectations.

If every old year is bad and every new year has to be better than the old one, then you have wasted a year of your life.  And with fewer years in front of me, I want each year to count as a good one.

And come to think about, 2013 was pretty darn Tits, with a capital "T", because we each got something that we had longed for.

For example, we didn't get Mitt Romney for President.  And I think we all can agree that was a win for the U.S.  It was not a win for my best friend from high school, a gay man who isn't a happy gay man, because he's a Republican with a man crush on Mitt Romney.

Go ahead and reread that statement.  It's true.

That's right, my best friend from high school had a man crush on Mitt Romney.  Poor dear.  Had Mitt Romney offered my friend the chance to campaign with him, but only if my friend rode in the dog kennel strapped to the roof of the campaign bus, my friend would have been up that bus and in that kennel faster than you could say "Mitsy".

And we did get President Obama reelected.  But it's been a bruising year for the President, and I feel for him.  But if the President were here with me, I would say Mr. President, you need to let go of the micromanaging and you have to trust people, the right people, to get it done.  And I would also say, Mr. President, appoint Mitch McConnell Ambassador to the South Pole, because it will be a cold day in hell before that lipless chick mouthed bastard gets with the game plan.

But the biggest, bestest day of the year can in June with decision on United States v. Windsor.  For the first time in history, in the eyes of the Federal Government, we are equal on marriage rights.

But lets also thank God above that Edie Windsor had such a beautiful last name.  And who doesn't love a euphonious sounding last name that makes us think of hang gliding: Wind Soar!  Because, you know, she could just as easily been Edie Lipschitz.  And you know what kind of sound bite that would have made on FOXNews.

But my personal win with 2013 is that for the first time since I was a very young child, I did not dissolve into a total mess from October 15th through December 15th with an attack of Seasonal Affective Depression Disorder.

Cookie is a long way from cured, but a change up in my meds combined with an amazing new Dr. Shrink, had me feeling as close to the normal that other people around me were feeling for the first time in a very long time. I mean I actually leave the Dr. Shrink's office with a smile on my face.  Of course it isn't all smiles while I am in the office, afterall I am undergoing an exorcism of sorts from that Demon father of mine.  But its good to leave and feel lighter because I have faced a facet of how he loved me, the wrong way, and getting that emotional puke out of you is freeing.

Well, I don't want you to think that everything in 2013 was a cakewalk.  We still have Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin to deal with, as well as their adoring fans.  Like a bad case of the clap before Penicillin, they are going to be around for a while.

And not everything in 2013 went my way, but you know, that really is OK.  We can't win at everything, and we can't always get our way.  And letting go of that expectation can take you much further in happiness than holding onto unrealistic goals.

So I am looking forward to 2014 in quite a different way.  I hope it lives up to the triumphs, and consistencies found in 2013.  New beginnings are a wonderful thing, but continuing the good mojo year to year is even better.  And who knows, if I keep following this dotted line of contentment, maybe I can lose a few pounds along the way.


  1. Oh god, I had almost forgotten about Ted Cruz and Sarah Something-or-another.

    But thinking about them might help us all lose a few vomiting.

    1. Think about him snaking on her snatch. You won't be able to eat for a week.

  2. "For example, we didn't get Mitt Romney for President. And I think we all can agree that was a win for the U.S."

    AND a win for Canada.

    Compare and contrast how you were feeling as you approached SAD season and how you feel now. WIN WIN.

    You're gonna make it after all.

  3. Um...Kind of a Debbie Downer here...every year has been the same since September 11th 2001. I keep wishing for the beginning of this century to take hold but then Groundhog's day takes over.

    I did feel optimism at the stroke of midnight on December 31st, though.

    We shall see...Whomp, Whomp, Whomp, Waaaaaaaaaaaaa...

    1. Yeah, 911 was a beyond a downer for me - it fucking changed me. I watched it live on TV and that fucked me up. And I have been trying to get back to an even place.

      But then again, I was born a year before Kennedy was killed in Dallas and that messes with me too.