Monday, August 6, 2012

Seeking approval - but only finding judgement

Where has Cookie been these last few days?

Well, where haven't I been.

I have been to the airport a great deal of the time, and waiting, and being shuttled here and there.  And when I haven't been in those situations I have been on line, on the phone and standing on my head with the mortgage processor playing games, like this one last Wednesday, August 1st:
Processor: "...and once you have faxed those documents to me, then we can finalize your paperwork with underwriting."
Cookie: "So you need a copy of this Document, and that Document, and then you need the following tax forms, A, B and C, correct?  Are there any other documents?
Processor: "No, we should be fine."
So I do as she says (and you know that is difficult as I have issues with authority figures), and double check my work and fax her EVERYTHING that she wants and then I get another call:
Processor:  "Yes, I have received your fax but these documents from your financial institution are system copies of screens - I need the actual statements."
Cookie: "They are stamped and notarized as factual account histories.  The actual statements are being printed and then they'll be mailed.  They should be here by Saturday."
Processor: "Well, I need you statement TODAY, by close of business today.  If you banked with us, you could get your statement online, right now."
Cookie: "Yes, but we don't bank with your because there are no branches of your bank for at least 200 miles.  Your bank has no offices in Ohio."
Processor: "We don't?  I don't think that's true.  We have offices everywhere."
Cookie: "You work for them, look it up.  Besides, as a bank, you can't require that I bank with you in order to get a loan.  Shall I quote Reg B (Equal Credit Opportunity Act) - I train people in for a living."
Processor: "You know Reg B?  Well, what do you know - the nearest branch to you is Pittsburgh!  But you could have opened your account with online.  Well, I guess, Monday will be fine with that statement.  I'll tell underwriting."

So that is where Cookie has been - hitting his head against the wall.


  1. You poor thing. If I had a branch near you, I'd take you out for a drink!

    1. And, oh! Today they called to tell me that that what I sent them, which was what they asked for, was seen by ANOTHER underwriter who thought it was too much information, and now they have MORE questions! Such tsors.

  2. On This American Life, Shalom Auslander did a hilarious monologue on how a (probably fake) Holocaust survivor almost ruined his vacation. In it he has my current favorite line: "Here's the thing about people - I don't really like them." I've plastered the bit all over my blog and Facebook, it is so funny and pretty much mirrors my feelings as well.

    These bureaucratic knuckleheads just confirm my position.

    It will work out. I'm just sorry for the irritation in the meantime.