Saturday, August 11, 2012

Charm City Confidential: Return to sender, address unknown

So we have closed on new house, and installed a window air conditioner to get us through the next couple weeks of humidity to come, and we've had our celebratory dinners and drinks, and the realization has come up that hey, this is really happening, and sooner than we think.

Our friends are asking for our new address and we've come up with a cute "we're moving" card so people have the street address, and it dawned on us that we don't need these for everyone.

We only need enough for the people that matter.

On Wikipedia there is a policy that allows people to who give up the addiction to share everything they know and give it all away for free and its called "The Right to Disappear".  I think I'm invoking this with some people in Ohio.

So who would I just disappear on?  Well, Peenee has written about his friend, Mme Ex.  The albatross that I have hanging over my head is someone that we'll call "Clarice"

"Clarice" and I were tight once.  We were even run over by a drunk driver together while we had the right away.  That happened the night before the Space Shuttle Challenger blew up.  The driver was drunk (the car, not the space shuttle) and he nailed us.  LUCKILY, we were not killed.  But being pathetic, we were both feeling neglected the next day.

So what happened to Clarice and I?  Well, she went for a professional degree and it changed her.  Make that it destroyed her.  And when she reemerged on the other side of her training she came out needy.  Really needy.  Smothering needy.

And when I suggested that she get help, Clarice said "You just can't handle my big energy."

The unhappier she was, the bigger her energy became.  And her ass kept pace with her energy.  And the crazier her demands became.

One night the husband and I were getting ready to go out to dinner and Clarice called and said "I want to come along.  Where are you going?"

We told her and she went off.  "I don't want to eat there.  They don't have anything healthy to eat, blah, blah, blah..."

And that was pretty much where we left it.  We haven't spoken since.  Its been eight, maybe nine years and we haven't spoken since.  There is no reason.

So Clarice won't be getting a card.

A mutual friend volunteered to call Clarice and tell her we have moved after we left, but whats the point?

Mutual friend and I both agreed that some people have an energy field that can be so big, it becomes a black hole of neediness.

Towards the end of the friendship, Clarice was losing her temper with me and my refusal to fuel her need to rage.

"Cookie," she said "If you can't be the type of friend that I need, then I have taken all I'm going to take from you."

And I have given Clarice all I have to give.  Time to let the post office stamp the envelope "RETURN TO SENDER, ADDRESS UNKNOWN".


  1. Some friendships just have a shelf life and, much like skim milk, once you get past that, there is no going back.

    There's a tiny part of you that worries Claire will find this blog and read it, isn't there?

    1. ♫Yes, he is wise
      But it's wisdom from the pain♫

  2. you should've moved years ago. fuck clarice.

  3. Last year I began developing a friendship with someone but had to nip it in the bud when she started leaving needy messages on my phones (home AND cell) during her frequent bad love life episodes AND emailing me at the same time.

    I'm all for comforting a friend in need but not when the friendship STARTS with neediness (including crying on phone messages) and doesn't involve topics other than her inner turmoil.

    1. With Clarice, everything and everyone was against her. Nuer favorite hobby raring self help books because they affirmed her personhood.

    2. MJ, was this someone a Type-A, multi-tasking, octopus?

      Cookie, clean slate, clean plate and clean hands. New beginnings are life's way of giving us healthy editing.

    3. I am open to new foods, new adventures AND eccentrics with big hair.

  4. leave the clutter behind, there is plenty of crfazy where you are going. and everywhere else for that matter.