Yesterday, the hot mess that is Cleveland Heights City Hall issued a broadcast message to the community: Happy Yom Kippur.
This is a problem.
Yom Kippur is not, process wise, a happy holiday.
Oh, no.
And for a city that has had a very large Jewish population for the past 100 years, its a fuck up.
For those of you who are not Jewish, a little Jewish lite. Between the Jewish New Year - which is a happy holiday - and Yom Kippur, Jews the world over apologize to those they may have wronged. It could have been something that was overlooked, or slight, or something big or horrific.
The idea is that on Yom Kippur, G-d looks over the previous year of one's life, and sees if they were good, not so good, or just stale on earth. If they are good, then G-d scribes their name into the book of life for the coming year. And if you were not so good? Then G-d'll get you for it.
So Yom Kippur is not a happy holiday. Making it through the next year, and getting through Yom Kippur is a happy thing. But during actual Yom Kippur is about atoning and Tsuris (pain, heart each ache, regret) and hunger - the understanding of real yearning. Lots and lots of Tsuris as you beat yourself up for not being a better human.
And it's about fasting. No food, water or drink. No Diet Pepsi. Nada. If you are a male over 13, you are supposed to fast. If you are female, it's 12 and over for those who fast.
When the sun goes down and ends Yom Kippur, then it's food - lots of food, laughs, TV, and a few games of pinochle.
This year, Yom Kippur is a double whammy. It's on the Sabbath!
So, right now is not a happy time.
Which is makes the City of Cleveland Heights, a community that has had a large Jewish population since the 1920s, look bad when they wish a Happy Yom Kippur. And as bad as it sounds, its worse how it looks to the outside world.
And what do the goyum do on Yom Kippur? Well in Cleveland, they used drive up and down South Taylor Road without impediment, because the observant are off the roads. Now its Green Road through Beachwood.
Tomorrow, it'll be over. The Kosher butchers will open, and the deli's and Unger's will open their doors.
Just so you know, the American version of Yom Kippur goes something like this as told by Woody Allen:
