Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Christmas Party Hell
So, why has Cookie not been posting to the blog so much, you may well be asking yourself.
Well, if you have been following said blog, you would know that Cookie is in sales at the Beef House Strip Club, and Christmas is an busy, bust time of year. My days are spent consulting with clients, and answering their questions:
Customer: Have you used this dildo?
Cookie: Madam, we carry over 100,000 different dildos, and it would be impossible for me to try them all. But purple sparkly is a flattering color on you!
Customer: Well it looks like your co-workers aren't very keen on helping you out...
Cookie: Madam, that could be because they are helping other patrons with their ball gags. Now, what kind of brisket would you like to find today?
Customer: Well someone needs to tell your zone manager that they aren't very good at scheduling enough employees.
Cookie: Would you like me to ring them for you?
Customer: I don't want to get into the middle of this, you call and tell them.
Cookie: Hello, Manager, This is Mr. Cookie in the Beef House. We have a Mrs. Rosenbloom would like to complain about your staffing of the Pavilion. "Mrs. Rosenbloom, Manager will be here shortly..."
Enough about my drab existence. You want more? OK. Last Friday I went to the most unfriendly Christmas Party ever. Husband is a member of LGBT network at International Amalgamated. He joined because he thought it would be a boffo way to meet people, and we have met people. Strange, odd people.
Anyhow, Christmas was at the home of two men who live the "Loft Condo" lifestyle. You know, RAW brick, RAW steel trusses and beams and ENORMOUS windows for all to see into the Condo while they do outrageous things, with great sophistication.
We were greeted at the door and TOLD to put our coats in the closet, then TOLD to get a drink. Once we had said drink, made with well spirits, we were TOLD to go up stairs to the living level. Up in the living level, we were TOLD that they would give us a tour of their "space". We walked around this enormous room and were told that the air ducts "delineate our purpose spaces."
"Purpose spaces?" asks the husband.
"Well we can't very well call them rooms, can we. Will you excuse me while I go greet Monica? You can find your own way back to the Conversation Area. MONICA!...."
Monica, a woman of color and her bald girlfriend walked in. Bald girlfriend, Clothilde, shaves her head to shatter the male dominated paradigm for women's fashion. Monica told us this. Baldy, who we have tried to chat with before is rather rude. She looks, and she doesn't engage, but does engage with other "womyn'. In her path to shattering sex, race and gender paradigm, EVIDENTLY Baldy doesn't include men in that mission. Fine by me.
Anyhow, I had worked a ten hour shift on my feet earlier in the day, my legs were killing me and I was exhausted, but I put on that support husband smile and chit chatted for about two hours, when my body - which was still 50 days out from surgery - started to get wonky. I needed to sit and sit fast before my legs went out from underneath me. Even the husband noted that after drinking three plain old ginger ales (from cans we brought) and dining at the buffet while standing up, that the color had drained from my face. He looked into the "casual dining purpose space" and saw that a chair had freed up and sent me to it.
No sooner than I had sat down then ol' Baldy said her first words to me: "You aren't going to sit down there. There is a pregnant woman standing over there," and she nodded at a youngish twenty something with a trim figure. I must have had the "Huh?" look on my face and ol' Baldy reasserted herself by calling to the pregnant woman "Renee, git yourself over her, this man needs to get up and out so you can git off your feet and sit in this chair."
I looked up at the husband who looked at Baldy, who looked at him and said "Find him some other place to sit." Both offended, we walked towards the kitchen area where there was a food bar and stools when the host came over and TOLD us to move towards the "Social Purpose Space" (reader I am not making this up) because "I spent all this money on this loft and people need to learn to use the spaces."
So the husband and I got up, and moved towards the coat closet, got our coats and left. The man who runs the group saw this ten minute Kabuki Theatre presentation and looked as horrified as we felt. "Fred's just nervous about hosting, and Clothilde is a lovely person when you get to know her. Please stay. We thanked him, but I pointed that I really did feel wonkie, and had to work the next day. "Maybe another time," and we left.
Now, all this said, and ol' Baldy, and the creepy host aside, this group is important to the husband at International Amalgamated because it gets him social access to decision makers. And the man who runs the group is very nice, and 90% of the people are exceptionally nice as well. But even the husband was really put out by these people.
On the way home, husband said "Did all that really happen?" Yes, it did.
Between the host who treated us like circus dogs by ordering us about, and ol' Baldy, I am just fine as long as we can get away from these people.
Just fine indeed.