tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post6025949915488969078..comments2024-03-25T07:17:42.807-04:00Comments on Doing Hard Time in Shaker Heights: Grief delayedThe Cool Cookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04162345087029159056noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-20783002068076009072011-07-21T10:28:51.535-04:002011-07-21T10:28:51.535-04:00I found your blog by a link to your posting about ...I found your blog by a link to your posting about the Studebaker. I came for the car, I stayed for your classy blog and fantastic links. <br /><br />It never goes away, you just learn to live with it. My Ma died in Feb 2009. My son and I were loyal to the end. She just retreated into herself and we had to let her go. I woke up @ 4AM the day before she died and I knew I had to go...immediately. My partner watched me getting dressed. I sat by her bed. I didn't know if she could hear me, she was making rumbling noises. I told her it was OK to go. I told her she did a good job raising us and that we were all adults now and while we would miss her very very much (OH if I only knew then how much) that we would be OK. She shouldn't worry about us. She died the next day. <br /><br />Xmas 2009 I was ironing in my living room. Thankfully I was home alone. I stopped, stared straight ahead and said in a loud voice "I don't want her laying in the cold ground, not for Christmas!" I collapsed and cried for about 1/2 an hour. <br /><br />You won't know what will trigger it or why or when it will happen. Just know it will and it's normal and it's OK to cry. <br /><br />The following Spring I went to the cemetery to clean the graves and plant flowers. My partner came with me. They're all there, now. More it seems in the ground than left walking above it. I was OK until the last one left to clean, my parents. As I cleaned the marker it happened again, but this time I must have been channeling Joan Crawford as I held up a chunk of sod in my dirt encrusted hand as tears rolled down my face and I said "I never thought I'd have to do this." I can laugh about it now, because if I didn't do it no one else sure as hell would. <br /><br />Like I said, you never know where or when or why, but a trip to the cemetery is a good warning of something brewing. <br /><br />There will be times of doubt, where you needlessly torture yourself for what you realize later is nothing. You were there, you cared, that is what's important. Let the rest go, keep the memories good and bad. And be kind to yourself, you're only human.carlnepahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05840845700615739547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-66421034844572475982011-07-21T03:38:35.394-04:002011-07-21T03:38:35.394-04:00Becoming more introverted seems more to be part of...Becoming more introverted seems more to be part of our age. I'm just not the chatty type I once was.<br /><br />I think you become resigned to the loss, but you never get used to it. Well, resignation can be useful.mrpeeneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05206554819014030083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-84989337007103870432011-07-20T20:34:19.300-04:002011-07-20T20:34:19.300-04:00MJ said...
Selflessness? I'll go look it up i...<b> MJ said... </b><br /><i>Selflessness? I'll go look it up in the dictionary and get back to you.</i><br /><br />My mother used to say "If you're looking for sympathy it's in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'suicide'" and when I tried to point out that the word 'symapthy' came after the word 'suicide' she said "No, I think it's anger that comes after suicide."<br /><br /><b>Scooter said...</b> <br /><i>Cookie Darling.... My mother passed away almost two-months ago on May 26th. In many ways, I still can't believe it - it just doesn't seem possible. And yet, it is true. .</i><br /><br />Condolences on your loss. It's something we all will go through but its something unique to each of us.<br /><br /><b>Princess says</b><br /><i>Grief is a cunt to deal with and fuck Kubler Ross.</i><br /><br />But what I like about Kubler Ross is that it's simple. It lacks details. I need her, but only in her texts. <br /><br /><b>MJ says</b><br /><i>I just came back to say CUNTS.</i><br /><br />And Bless you for that cheer up!<br /><br /><b>Donna Lethal says</b><br /><i>...grief has no calendar.</i><br /><br />I know - but there are this moments that creep up behind you and say BOO! Like when the doctor told me I needed the surgery my first thought was to call Mom. But you can't. Thats what sucks. <br /><br /><b>Will says</b><br /><i> One only becomes an adult when one's parents are dead.</i><br /><br />I'm there.The Cool Cookiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04162345087029159056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-72701056717832451442011-07-20T16:21:52.603-04:002011-07-20T16:21:52.603-04:00Princess nailed it.
One only becomes an adult whe...Princess nailed it.<br /><br />One only becomes an adult when one's parents are dead.Will Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06489879295104017008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-86783086589796067072011-07-20T12:58:15.510-04:002011-07-20T12:58:15.510-04:00Sweetness...grief has no calendar. I've had a ...Sweetness...grief has no calendar. I've had a lot of loss - sudden, suicides, and expected. You don't grieve and get on with it. Just yesterday I thought I saw the face of my ex who passed away two Thanksgivings ago. Also, the Kubler-Ross stages have been debated over the past few years. They are not really the only way.<br />Your path is your path. Whatever it takes to feel better. xoxoDonna Lethalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00581340436152988440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-54661005123246847412011-07-20T10:51:20.912-04:002011-07-20T10:51:20.912-04:00I just came back to say CUNTS!I just came back to say CUNTS!The Mistresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07109289531733623207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-59564784814525227012011-07-20T10:26:54.687-04:002011-07-20T10:26:54.687-04:00Cookie Darling.... Just be kind to yourself. Grief...Cookie Darling.... Just be kind to yourself. Grief is a cunt to deal with and fuck Kubler Ross. The sooner we realise that grief can and will effect us at any time and we all grieve differently the better. It's an individual response that doesn't move through stages in a linear way and you cannot compare your grief to the grief of others or try and fit yourself into a suitable compartmentalised box. It serves us no purpose. The alleged "stages" of grief are transient and circular... and that is the cunt part! We think we have gotten through a stage on the linear path and moved on to the next and then "Oh fuck why am so angry numb, shocked, whatever the emotion is that we re feeling... "I thought I'd worked through this shit". <br /><br />Grief does this. It's normal and it can piss us off. Expect things to be rocky for a while yet it's only early days...Princesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11021504621181130629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-7006131436309666692011-07-20T08:35:37.284-04:002011-07-20T08:35:37.284-04:00Grief delayed isn't grief denied. My mother p...Grief delayed isn't grief denied. My mother passed away almost two-months ago on May 26th. In many ways, I still can't believe it - it just doesn't seem possible. And yet, it is true. Between my father and my sister, I found that I didn't have time or even room to grieve - their grief was larger than life.<br /><br />I only live four hours from my parents but I didn't see them except for a couple of times a year. When I became an adult, ours was a "telephone relationship" - lot's of childhood drama lead to my consicious choice. Despite all of that, I still worry that I wasn't as good a son as I should have been. Then I realize that I am a product of my parents - both physically and emotionally. They raised me to leave the small PA town where I grew up. So while we don't meet some Saturday Evening Post standard of what a family is meant to be, I met my parents expectations by surpassing their standards. And in that, they are/were proud.Scooterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09874254346853382934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919830837927228571.post-43935395267373056052011-07-20T07:26:47.186-04:002011-07-20T07:26:47.186-04:00Selflessness? I'll go look it up in the dictio...Selflessness? I'll go look it up in the dictionary and get back to you.<br /><br />I think of my mother everyday and will always miss her.<br /><br />I remember my mother wondering if she had been a good daughter to HER mother. <br /><br />Many of us have the same doubts.<br /><br />Know that you're not alone in your feelings and that ups and downs are to be expected.The Mistresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07109289531733623207noreply@blogger.com