|I am not posing, the photographers make me look like I am being insouciant to mock me.|
As I return to the country I love best, I Melania Trump do so as a woman who is the most bullied woman in the United States.
Even, perhaps as the most bullied in the history of the nation.
I have been the target of shaming during my husband, your Maximum Leader's ascension into the office that the Founding Fathers had the foresight to create for a national savior like Donald Trump.
And yet, even with his powers growing as the mutant Super Hero that he is, I and persecuted unlike any other wife of a leader in the history of the world. And here is my proof:
1) I have been mocked for my "Best Best" campaign's name and mission. People ask me not about how to stop bullying, which is not the point, but how to Best Best at being bullied.
2) People have laughed at my accent as if I am Zsa Zsa Gabor playing someone named Eva Gabor playing someone called Lisa Douglas on some sill American TV show called "Green Achings".
3) Unlike Eva Peron, who doesn't return my calls, I speak eight languages and am taking a Berlitz course on "Mastering Conversational English."
4) I have been taunted for stealing Michelle Obama's speeches, and yet when she took the words from a dictionary to write those speeches, no one criticized her in the Fake Media for using words from the books of Webster's or Mr. Funkinwagnalls.
5) And I am attacked every time people say that my husband, a very smart man and with a godlike body modeled after Zeus himself married me for my looks and beauty. Do not hate me because I am beautiful. Hate yourselves by being best.
6) Following my most recent trip to Africa, I did not model or posed for the picture takers like you see here on this image. This is the look that I have on my face, all of the time.
7) Like Vladimir Putin, my next husband, says "It is harder to govern when you have to watch your back," so the Donald will eliminate all resistance so he can maintain leading his nation.
And yet for everything I have been through, Anna Wintour has never had the courtesy to pay a call on me at the White House, or the Trump Tower building to beg me to return to my modeling to appear on the cover of Vogue. Mrs. Wintour is a hateful, malevolent woman for not paying me the respect I am owed.
Let me reminds you that I was named "Muse" by the Secret Service for a reason.
In closing, I plan on being best First Lady of the Land, all of the land. And once we catch and imprison people for not showing me the respect owed to me, my naturally pouty lips, flawless skin, and my MENSAesque great brain power, I can promise that America will make Melania Again.
In The Donald We Trust,