Monday, April 28, 2014
Two in a row!
Today a woman walked into the Adult Cabaret Beef Barn, and she seemed agitated. So I got out my inventory clipboard and meandered over to the Hallmark & Bullwhip section - where we keep the cards that show you care the very most and the bullwhips that sting your submissive like nobody's business - like I was there to check on the supply of our Ben Wa Dancing Eggs.
Yes, I wanted to see what kind of crazy we were having.
And that was a big mistake.
"Where are the pop-up sympathy cards," she DEMANDED to know.
"YOU had them last week. I need a pop-up sympathy card, NOW!"
For a moment, I imagined many things, but not something so gauche as that.
Evidently I took too long because the screaming started.
"WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMNED POP UP CARDS!"
So, and keeping my best professional face, I walked her around the card and bullwhip department, but tried to convey that I was not familiar with such an animal.
"YOU HAD THEM UP FRONT AND THEY WERE JUST THERE A MONTH AGO AND NOW YOU," anger building in her eyes, "YOU MOVED THEM!"
I calmly explained that she would need to ask at the manager's window, because I was unaware of anything like this item in our emporium.
"WHERE IS THE GOD DAMNED MANAGERS WINDOW?" I swear I could see foam forming at the corner of her mouth, and in her eyes I saw a potential murder - mine.
Not meaning to be flip, I pointed over my shoulder behind me to the LARGE sign that read MANAGERS WINDOW. I started to walk away and she shrieked "WAIT A MINUTE ASSHOLE. I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU."
With a smile on my face, and professional attitude in my brain, I started to convey my deep regret when the manager Ray Don came out running as fast as his bow legged chubby legs could carry him.
I was wondering when he was going to poke his pea picking self out of the back room over this stink.
Luckily, she was so lathered up in her own little drama that she didn't miss a beat. And for fifteen minutes she proceeded to rip Ray Don a second asshole.
By this point a crowd was forming and Corporate HATES crowds forming. And then something happened. Crazy woman took a look around and realized that twenty pairs of eyes were fixated on her.
"What she want....buzz...buzz...buzz...something about a pop-up sympathy card....buzz...buzz...buzz...what the heck is that?..."
Finally, about an hour after this started, we got this woman out the door.
Grief does strange things to strange people.
But a popup sympathy cared? Well, thats just too fucked up for even me to think about.